IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

More and more young people use the Internet to socialise. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#people #internet #socialise #development
Nowadays, there is an increasing number of youngsters communicating via social networks. It is generally argued, that socialization through the network might be hazardous for youth. I agree with
this
 statement and the main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
widespreading
Correct your spelling
widespread
wide-spreading
 phenomenon and
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 negative drawbacks are going to be discussed in
this
 essay. Massive utilization of the Internet has positively affected
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
communication,as it has become easier and
effective
Correct quantifier usage
more effective
show examples
. With
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 help of applications like WhatsApp, Telegram and Skype, folks from different parts of the globe have been united.
Young
Correct article usage
The young
show examples
 generation
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a great opportunity to talk and keep changing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information with
long distance
Add a hyphen
long-distance
show examples
 friends
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
 using the web. What is more, social networks assist
to get
Change preposition
in getting
show examples
 in touch with the
update
Fix the agreement mistake
updates
show examples
 and news happening in the World. They are
exited
Correct your spelling
excited
show examples
 to share photos and
achievments
Correct your spelling
achievements
 on their social media. For
this
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
, using the Internet is becoming the main source to socialize. Moving on to the negative sides,
this
 trend
takes
Verb problem
plays
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 major role in wasting time. Adolescents are turning to
cyber addicted
Add a hyphen
cyber-addicted
show examples
 people and
this
 has affected
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their education level. The
last
 research illustrates that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the grades of
puplis
Correct your spelling
pupils
 at school have fallen
drammatically
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 in
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
years
Correct quantifier usage
few years
show examples
,because they spend
whole
Correct pronoun usage
their whole
show examples
 leisure time surfing the net,rather than
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
.
Moreover
, the great utilisation of online platforms is
harfmul
Correct your spelling
harmful
 to health. The
radiations
Fix the agreement mistake
radiation
show examples
 generated from the screens of devices
detoriates
Correct your spelling
deteriorates
 the quality of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
eyesight. In conclusion,
although
 youngsters are becoming more socialized
due to
 the Internet,
this
 is a negative development from my perspective.
This
 way of communication has
damaging
Add an article
a damaging
show examples
 effect on health and distracts people of young ages from concentrating on important things,
such
 as education and
active
Correct article usage
an active
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
.
Submitted by lazizaa0799 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and the supporting sentences are directly related to it.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices to link your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repeating the same words and phrases; instead, use synonyms or related vocabulary to show a range of language.
task achievement
Fully develop your arguments with specific details and examples to enhance task achievement.
task achievement
Ensure you address all parts of the task and present a clear position throughout the response.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, each covering a specific point in your argument. This creates a more logical structure and makes your essay easier to follow.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!