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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more young people use the Internet to socialise. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays, there is an increasing number of youngsters communicating via social networks. It is generally argued, that socialization through the network might be hazardous for youth. I agree with
this
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 statement and the main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
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this
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widespreading
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widespread
wide-spreading
 phenomenon and
it's
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its
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 negative drawbacks are going to be discussed in
this
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 essay. Massive utilization of the Internet has positively affected
on
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apply
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communication,as it has become easier and
effective
Correct quantifier usage
more effective
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. With
a
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the
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 help of applications like WhatsApp, Telegram and Skype, folks from different parts of the globe have been united.
Young
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The young
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 generation
have
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has
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 a great opportunity to talk and keep changing
the
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apply
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information with
long distance
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long-distance
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 friends
,
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apply
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while
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 using the web. What is more, social networks assist
to get
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in getting
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 in touch with the
update
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updates
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 and news happening in the World. They are
exited
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excited
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 to share photos and
achievments
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achievements
 on their social media. For
this
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reasons
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reason
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, using the Internet is becoming the main source to socialize. Moving on to the negative sides,
this
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 trend
takes
Verb problem
plays
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 major role in wasting time. Adolescents are turning to
cyber addicted
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cyber-addicted
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 people and
this
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 has affected
on
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apply
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their education level. The
last
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 research illustrates that
,
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apply
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 the grades of
puplis
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pupils
 at school have fallen
drammatically
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dramatically
 in
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last
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the last
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years
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few years
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,because they spend
whole
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their whole
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 leisure time surfing the net,rather than
studing
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studying
.
Moreover
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, the great utilisation of online platforms is
harfmul
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harmful
 to health. The
radiations
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radiation
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 generated from the screens of devices
detoriates
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deteriorates
 the quality of
a
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apply
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eyesight. In conclusion,
although
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 youngsters are becoming more socialized
due to
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 the Internet,
this
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 is a negative development from my perspective.
This
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 way of communication has
damaging
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a damaging
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 effect on health and distracts people of young ages from concentrating on important things,
such
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 as education and
active
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an active
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life style
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lifestyle
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and the supporting sentences are directly related to it.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices to link your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repeating the same words and phrases; instead, use synonyms or related vocabulary to show a range of language.
task achievement
Fully develop your arguments with specific details and examples to enhance task achievement.
task achievement
Ensure you address all parts of the task and present a clear position throughout the response.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, each covering a specific point in your argument. This creates a more logical structure and makes your essay easier to follow.
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