Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem?
due to
the negative effects of human behaviour in modern life, some rare animals are about to extinct, which is considered a threat to the future as the remaining animals would be in danger. I will explain the reasons for this
point and some solutions will be given in this
essay.
to commence with, development in every sector plays a pivotal role in preventing species
habitat damage ,while
people cut down many greenery spaces to make their lives better. Industries, for instance
, have cleared many places that used to be an ideal habitat for many uncommon animals, thereby no chance has been given to them to continue living in the other areas because many industries are under construction in order to convince residents by giving them modern products or needs. Furthermore
, executives are not concerned about the rules where the manufacturing industry is claiming their places on the greenery side. These factories making
huge amounts of waste which are connected to the river directly. Wrong verb form
make
Besides
that, the air has been polluted because of their emission which contains poisonous elements. These reasons are the most famous that caused death to the popular species
.
On the other hand
, the practical solution to reduce damage to species
' habitats is by imposing a higher levy on cutting trees. In addition
, ideal habitats for important species
would be less destroyed because of high contributions to the government account. Moreover
, people are illiterate about the impact of cutting trees or damaging the greenery. thus
, the Government should organise various social awareness events through the Internet or offline newspapers. Generally.
To sum up
, people who are concerned more about their modern life than the species
, need to alleviate the problems suffering species
so they can live natural lives which is more important than an artificial modern life.Submitted by farjanaakterrikta8 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay addresses the topic, but the overall structure needs improvement. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be clearer and more effective in presenting the core thesis and summarizing the key points. Work on creating a stronger thesis statement and a more impactful concluding paragraph.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your main points are somewhat supported, but the supporting details are not always clear or fully developed. Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea and is fully developed with clear explanations and specific examples. Avoid vague statements and aim for a logical progression of ideas.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the task, but a more comprehensive development of ideas is necessary. Make sure to answer all parts of the question fully. Clearer and more comprehensive development of your points is needed to achieve a higher score. Expand on your ideas and provide specific examples to support your arguments.
Task Achievement
You provide some examples, but they are generally not specific or detailed enough to sufficiently illustrate the point you're trying to make. To improve, incorporate relevant and specific examples or case studies to substantiate your argument. Avoid making generalizations without backing them up with concrete evidence.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example