Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some would argue that it is more beneficial when the government expenditure
go
on essential Change the verb form
goes
tgings
rather than Correct your spelling
things
arts
.This
essay totally disagree
with Change the verb form
disagrees
this
idea because funding arts
have
much more economic benefits for one country and it encourages community cohesion and Correct subject-verb agreement
has
reduce
isolation.
Authorities investing Change the verb form
reduces
money
in arts
have positive results
Correct word choice
economic results
economically
.Rephrase
apply
This
can inspire more young generations and allow them to discover new talents as a result
this
increases employment apportunities
in the nation.Correct your spelling
opportunities
Similarly
spending money
in
Change preposition
on
arts
can generate more creative artistic products and Fix the agreement mistake
art
this
can attract the attention of many tourists from different places.The visitors
total amount of expenses for several kinds of services they get have Change to a genitive case
visitor's
visitors'
big
impact Add an article
a big
in
the country's Change preposition
on
economy
growth. Replace the word
economic
For example
,research indicates that Louvre
an Correct article usage
the Louvre
art
museum in Paris was the most visited in 2023 which was 8.9 millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
of
visitors.
Another reason why governments should Change preposition
apply
spent
in Verb problem
invest
art
is because it plays a big role in the interrelations of communities from different cultures
.Showcasing art
and cultures
form
other countries Correct your spelling
from
also
promotes cultural and traditional understanding and appreciation.By learning about other traditions,people can become more open minded
and accepting of diversity.Add a hyphen
open-minded
For
example
the Add a comma
example,
world
Expo is a festival that celebrates different Capitalize word
World
cultures
from around the world.Each yea
,the Expo features pavilions from different countries that showcase their tradition and Correct your spelling
year
art
.
In conclusion,a country's amount of money
pay
out to preserve and advance Wrong verb form
paid
art
is not a waste.Incontrast
it improves the financial situation of the nation by making much more Correct your spelling
In contrast
money
than the government spent
.Wrong verb form
spends
Arts
also
strengthen the unity of communities with uniqe
and different Correct your spelling
unique
cultures
and traditions.Submitted by abi911 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay should have a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that paraphrases the question and outlines your position, followed by body paragraphs each presenting a single main idea with supporting examples, and concluding with a summary that reinforces your thesis without introducing new information. It is important to make sure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next with the use of cohesive devices such as linking words and topic sentences.
Task Achievement
The essay adequately addresses the task, stating a clear position of disagreement with the idea that government money spent on the arts is wasted. However, the arguments need to be more fully elaborated with a range of relevant examples and further explanation to make them comprehensive. Aim to ensure each point is thoroughly developed and explicitly linked back to the central topic of the essay, enhancing the persuasiveness of your position.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?