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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some school leavers choose to travel or work for a year before going to university. What might be the reasons for this? What are the disadvantages of this practice? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#school #leavers #travel #work #year #university #practice
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Nowadays, after leaving high school, scholars tend to spend their
time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working or travelling before embarking on an undergraduate journey.
This
 happened because of some reasons, which I will discuss in the following paragraph,
due to
 releasing stress.
In addition
,
this
 essay
also
 explains the drawbacks related to learning problems which students face after doing these activities.
Firstly
, taking holidays after finishing final tests contributes to preventing burnout for pupils.
This
 reason is that final examinations run out of their
time
 and energy to study hard
due to
 passing the minimum score requirements.
In addition
, there is the only
time
 when students can have long days off since in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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college individuals are required to focus on academic purposes.
For example
, in Indonesia, students have to learn a lot of materials and more than 20 projects in one semester.
Therefore
, scholars always study for a long
time
 from 7 AM to 1 AM and sleep only 3 hours.
That is
 why they utilize their leisure
time
 to visit tourist attractions.
On the other hand
, the decision leads the youth to face negative sides
while
 starting the learning programs because of a lack of preparation. The reason is that learning activities should be prepared by reading subjects, taking notes, and creating questions before attending class.
Consequently
, they are not ready to receive knowledge from lecturers and have no clue about what information is delivered.
Then
, the freshmen experience difficulties related to receiving academic understanding in the beginning period.
To sum up
, taking a break before starting an undergraduate program has positive development to release stress;
however
, it
also
 leads to facing obstacles
while
 receiving materials.
Submitted by akunyesikafikan1814 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central theme and the essay has a logical flow. Use a range of cohesive devices effectively.
task achievement
Focus on fully answering all parts of the question. Address both the reasons for taking a year off and its disadvantages as the prompt requests.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to back up your points. It helps to illustrate your argument and makes the essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion can be more explicitly detailed with respect to the thesis statement and summarizing main points.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive sentence structures to ensure variety in your writing, thus engaging the reader more effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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