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Band 5.5

It is common aspiration among many young peopleto run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks?

#aspiration #peopleto #business #work #employer
Recent times have, no doubt, witnessed that youth do not want to
work
 under any employer and
instead
, they have a very high desire to start their own line of something to make
money
.
While
,
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 there are many possible reasons which fascinate young individuals towards
this
 idea, one can not ignore the disadvantages. In my point of view, there are several downsides to
this
 approach which will be discussed in
this
 essay. There are many factors that decide your occupation and the most compelling one is the capital amount in hand and the risk one is ready to take. Starting your own business requires a lot of investment and there is always a danger of things not working out the way they are expected to. Let's take a group of friends
for example
 who want to open a gym which requires a fair deal of
money
. Even though they put that
money
 towards their goal, there is always a risk that it might not be successful and eventually a large sum of
money
 will go wasted.
Additionally
, opening your own business requires a lot of hard
work
, intelligence, strategy and negligible personal hours. That being said, the idea of opening your own line of
work
 is not as bad as it seems. When you
work
 as a full/part-time employee for an organisation, you are basically helping an already
successfulcompany
Correct your spelling
successful company
successful-company
 become better on the same salary, it is like someone is profiting from your hard
work
.
Furthermore
, it might be very difficult in the beginning to open a startup, but if your ideas are good with a little help of luck, your hard
work
 might pay off. To recapitulate, both the pros and cons of
this
 argument are similar and young people should consider these
factor
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factors
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 very carefully before choosing the right career path
Submitted by jahnvijindal55 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure you clearly present your main points with specific and relevant examples to each point made, elaborating more on each idea.
Coherence & Cohesion
Aim for a logical structure that guides the reader from introduction through to a conclusive end, ensuring your essay flows smoothly and thoughts are organized.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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