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Band 7

Vaccination of children against preventable diseases is not only unnecessary but also dangerous. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#vaccination #children #diseases
Science plays a crucial role in finding the remedy for various diseases. Most of the people believe that immunization for children is not only insignificant but
also
 harmful to well-being. I do not completely agree with
this
 notion,
however
,
according to
 me vaccination is a cure for various chronic viruses but may have some minor risks.
Firstly
, immunization of children is necessary because it improves the immunity of the kids
as well as
 provides energy to fight with the viruses. As we know, in most nations we have different health centres where we get the dose of free vaccine which helps children to keep away from colds, headaches, and chronic fever.
For instance
, the Covid 19 virus spread all over the world which affected so many humans.
Therefore
, the COVID-19 booster helped to control the spread of the disease and
also
 improve the immunity of our body which kills the virus from our body after 14 days eventually. On the other side, it seems to me the vaccine has some minor issues which occur in rare cases but parents always worry about if they provide immunization to their kids because they feel that it may affect them adversely as sometimes irritation or skin problems occur for a
while
.
Moreover
, it is only a mindset of some people but we do not need to take it seriously because the vaccine has always a positive impact on our strength as it passes several tests after it is approved by WHO.
To conclude
, I strongly agree that injection has more benefits to our fitness as it helps to overcome the spread of new viruses
however
 have some minor risks like irritation, laziness or skin problems.
Submitted by tajinder.panag on

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task achievement
In your essay, you've made some effort to address the question, but your position is not consistently clear. Your introduction does not adequately paraphrase the prompt, and you do not establish a clear thesis statement expressing your extent of agreement or disagreement. In future essays, make certain that you have a clearly stated opinion in the introduction and maintain that stance throughout, concluding with a summarizing statement that reinforces your view.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates an attempt at structuring ideas clearly but lacks solid cohesion in places. You need to develop your argument more logically, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by relevant detail. Transition signals are used but could be utilised more effectively to guide the reader through your argument. Work on linking your ideas more naturally and consistently throughout the essay. Paragraphing needs to be clear and coherent with each paragraph exploring a single main idea.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Immunization
  • Preventable diseases
  • Eradicate
  • Efficacy
  • Immune system
  • Herd immunity
  • Vulnerable populations
  • Misconceptions
  • Discredited
  • Side effects
  • Child mortality
  • Global health
  • Vaccination campaigns
  • Rigorous testing
  • Public health policy
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