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Band 1.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
While
 it is more crucial to completely focus on
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 subjects and get the qualification, a few undergraduates long to learn additional subjects. Personally, I would lean
myself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
on
Change preposition
toward
show examples
 the latter as university students (in
this
 case) can prepare themselves
useful
Change preposition
with useful
show examples
 information about other areas
as well as
 relationships and crucial skills when achieving the same diploma. There are 2 justifications accounting for why undergraduates had better take part in extra-curricular lessons.
To begin
 with, students from different fields are divided into classes on shuffle and required to complete assignments that boost their personal or teamwork skills.
This
 can greatly ensure a large number of well-qualified employees after school who were taught to maintain
team-spirit
Correct your spelling
team spirit
show examples
.
Furthermore
, participants are able to get on well with each other, even their tutors when making projects together, thereby forming close relationships that are substantial for students’ career
path
Fix the agreement mistake
paths
show examples
 afterwards.

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coherence cohesion
It is essential that your essay follows a logical structure, with clear paragraphs that each have a central idea. However, the essay provided lacks a coherent structure, and ideas are not fully developed, which makes it difficult for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are pivotal in presenting your thesis and summarizing your argument. Your essay does not have a clear introduction or conclusion, making it challenging to identify the main topic and the writer's final stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
In order to support your main points, you must provide specific examples and develop your ideas fully. The essay includes general assertions without sufficient examples or explanation, which does not effectively support the points made.
task achievement
To adequately respond to the task, you must address all parts of the prompt, providing a balanced discussion on both views and your own opinion. This essay, however, provides an unbalanced treatment and is incomplete, missing a full exploration of the opposing view on focusing solely on main subjects for qualifications.
task achievement
Your ideas should be clear, comprehensive, and directly related to the task. The essay lacks clarity in expressing ideas, and they need to be elaborated further for a comprehensive understanding of your position and evaluation of the issue at hand.
task achievement
Providing relevant and specific examples strengthens your argument and demonstrates your understanding of the topic. The essay includes some examples but fails to illustrate them explicitly and connect them to the topic, which is necessary for a higher score.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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