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Band 4.5

Today, more and more people are leaving rural areas to live in the city. Discuss some effects of rural recession and the cause of this

#people #areas #city #effects #recession
Recent years have witnessed a lot of
people
 moving from the countryside to the urban
areas
.
This
 is because of some special reason,
this
 essay will explain some
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 and the main roof cause of
this
 movement The first reason why many families choose the city for living is the job opportunities. In
a the
Choose an article
a
the
show examples
 downtown they can have more
option
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options
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 to choose
,
Change preposition
from, many
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many
Correct word choice
and many
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 foreign companies focus on investing in the downtown companies. If they have more choices they can earn money easily.
Moreover
,most
of
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apply
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migrant worker want to the cities because of their children. With the development of the infrastructure in the urban, their children will have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to have
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
Correct your spelling
environment
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
, school education and other good things
Nevertheless
,
this
 trend still
have
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has
show examples
 some negative
thing
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things
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 that
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 too much on the rural
areas
 and the city. Because of the movement of the
people
 to the downtown to serve their own
need
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needs
show examples
,
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 will make the rural
areas
 become not fully developed because of the shortage of human resources.
In contrast
, the cities will
full
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be full
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 of
place
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places
show examples
cause
Correct word choice
because
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 they have to deal with the increase of
people
 who want to find opportunities. Another main negative effect is the competition in the job market will
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
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 the high
unimployment
Correct your spelling
unemployment
 rate. In conclusion,there is a big trend of
people
 moving from the rural
areas
 to the urban
areas
 to satisfy their desire for a better life of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work opportunities and their children
better
Add an article
a better
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 life.
However
, it still
creat
Correct your spelling
creates
show examples
 some negative things
include
Wrong verb form
including
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 the underdeveloped of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
areas
 and the rise of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 who
out
Add a missing verb
are out
show examples
 of work
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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task achievement
Be sure to develop your ideas fully with clear explanations and more detailed examples, as some points seemed to be mentioned briefly without sufficient explanation or illustrative examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow of the essay. Transition between paragraphs should be smooth, and ideas should be linked with cohesive devices beyond simple connectors ('Moreover', 'Nevertheless'). Use a variety of complex sentence structures to link ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Pay close attention to spelling and grammar, as accuracy issues can considerably reduce the clarity of your main points and overall coherence.
task achievement
Be sure to rephrase the task question in the introduction to demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic, and provide a summarised answer to the prompt within the conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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