People nowadays are surrounded by all kinds of advertising. Advertising affects what people think is important and it has a negative influence on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With the
improving
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improvement
show examples
of technology in the world, websites,
devices
Correct word choice
and devices
show examples
have a giant impact on
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
. Even advertising has
soread
Correct your spelling
spread
soared
from just papers or
thoughr
Correct your spelling
thought
though
through
people
into online advertising. And it is said to have a negative influence on
people
's lives which
i
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I
show examples
completely agree with.
Firstly
, ever since the Covid-19 pandemic, a lot of
youngster
Change to a plural noun
youngsters
show examples
have access to
phone
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phones
show examples
,
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
and the internet. Many
website
Fix the agreement mistake
websites
show examples
and social media have a system to filter which kind of
ads
are users looking for, trying to keep users
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
more
things
.
People
nowadays can easily get access to the internet and all
kind
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kinds
show examples
of social
platform
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platforms
show examples
, making them vulnerable to many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
advertising
site
Fix the agreement mistake
sites
show examples
. With a fully grown human, someone who grew up without too
much
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many
show examples
devices around them, they can avoid those mind
game
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games
show examples
that
advertisement
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advertisements
show examples
made to
caught
Change the verb
catch
show examples
the eyes of many. But children who
have
Verb problem
do
show examples
not fully understand the danger of technology,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can easily
get
Verb problem
be
show examples
influence
Wrong verb form
influenced
show examples
by those
ads
.
Secondly
, advertising online can be about a lot more
things
than in the past, come unapropigrate like gambling or
pronagrapy
Correct your spelling
pornography
can be found on online
ads
. Development is a double-edged sword, it can come back a hurt you. Advertising is surely
more easy
Replace the words
easier
show examples
nowadays, missing
pets poster
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pet posters
show examples
and charities can now be known in many more
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
. But nothing is perfect, we will need to exchange something in return. Many
people
can have a bad impression with
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because you will not know what kind of ad is going to pop up
next,
it could be something good or something bad. Even teenagers can have a negative influence by watching those
ads
, their mindset can be impacted, covering
things
that are really important and replacing
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
with something meaningless. In the end, even though advertising can have a good purpose,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
or
website
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websites
show examples
will use it to keep you away from
things
that are more important to you. Advertising has more negative impact than positive impact on
people
's lives. Parents and teachers should educate
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
and teenagers about the dangers of online advertising.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer introduction and conclusion which clearly presents your viewpoint and summarises your argument. Including a thesis statement and topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph would significantly improve the logical flow and make your position clear throughout the essay.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score in task achievement, ensure that you fully respond to all parts of the prompt and develop your ideas thoroughly. Your essay should also include more specific examples to illustrate and support your claims. Consider exploring both sides of the argument, even if you decide to take a clear stance, to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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