The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Scientific mission has been regarded as the work of serving
humans
' lives better. Though I find it fair enough to believe in that way, I find myself more incline
towards the other targets Wrong verb form
inclined
such
as flora and fauna as we are coexisting
on the globe.
It is doubtless that Wrong verb form
coexist
science
has been bringing a lot of miracles and conveniences to our lives through new discoveries in all aspects from health to transportation or even education over time. However
, without taking the
other objects than just Correct article usage
apply
humans
into account, some formerly deemed as a game changer at the time it had been introduced to the public then
turned out to be harmful to the environment that people are living in. As a creature nourised
in the same ecosystem, we cannot avoid the unexpectedly negative impacts. Correct your spelling
nourished
For instance
, the find
of plastic Correct your spelling
kind
usuage
for making containers out of Correct your spelling
usage
this
material by the Japanese has changed how people are carrying
stuff around and Wrong verb form
carry
packing
certain things. At Wrong verb form
pack
first,
it was beneficial but the fact that plastic cannot self-destruct then
becomes a big concern since it has overwhelmingly polluted the world later on.
Additionally
, apart from humans
, animals
are worth receiving help from science
as well. With the global climate change and the other inclusive factors, we have seen a significant loss in certain species
nowadays compared to decades ago. It has been proved that it is a domino effect and human
can Fix the agreement mistake
humans
also
be the last
species
going
extinct as well if the deaths of other Change the verb form
to go
species
are growing
at the same rate in Wrong verb form
grow
thousands
years. For that reason, I do think the concentration of Add the preposition
thousands of
science
work should be shifting to our fellow friends from other sorts of animals
.
In conclusion, humans
cannot be selfish to have science
distribute
only to their Wrong verb form
distributed
conveniences
and success regardless of the negative Fix the agreement mistake
convenience
inflluence
on the other Correct your spelling
influence
species
resulted
from some smart but not environmentally considerable enough experiments. Wrong verb form
resulting
Also
, we should apply science
to the preservation of disappearing animals
because of our indirect but connected relation
in Replace the word
relationship
this
world. Consequently
, my belief for
Change preposition
in
science
's important mission is not only with humans
' lives but also
the ecosystem in which animals
and plants are living.Submitted by camcat.viking on
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the depth and development of ideas need to be enhanced to fully address all parts of the task. Try to explore the nuances of the topic more thoroughly and present a balanced argument with a more comprehensive evaluation of the statement.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains logical ordering of information and ideas but sometimes lacks clear progression in the main body paragraphs. Transition words and phrases should be employed more effectively to create a seamless flow of ideas. Moreover, ensure that each paragraph presents a clear central topic which is then developed with explanations and examples.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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