The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives

Scientific mission has been regarded as the work of serving

humans

' lives better. Though I find it fair enough to believe in that way, I find myself more

incline

Wrong verb form

inclined

show examples

towards the other targets

such

as flora and fauna as we

are coexisting

Wrong verb form

coexist

show examples

on the globe. It is doubtless that

science

has been bringing a lot of miracles and conveniences to our lives through new discoveries in all aspects from health to transportation or even education over time.

However

, without taking

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

other objects than just

humans

into account, some formerly deemed as a game changer at the time it had been introduced to the public

then

turned out to be harmful to the environment that people are living in. As a creature

nourised

Correct your spelling

nourished

in the same ecosystem, we cannot avoid the unexpectedly negative impacts.

For instance

, the

find

Correct your spelling

kind

show examples

of plastic

usuage

Correct your spelling

usage

for making containers out of

this

material by the Japanese has changed how people

are carrying

Wrong verb form

carry

show examples

stuff around and

packing

Wrong verb form

pack

show examples

certain things. At

first,

it was beneficial but the fact that plastic cannot self-destruct

then

becomes a big concern since it has overwhelmingly polluted the world later on.

Additionally

, apart from

humans

animals

are worth receiving help from

science

as well. With the global climate change and the other inclusive factors, we have seen a significant loss in certain

species

nowadays compared to decades ago. It has been proved that it is a domino effect and

human

Fix the agreement mistake

humans

show examples

can

also

be the

last

species

going

Change the verb form

to go

show examples

extinct as well if the deaths of other

species

are growing

Wrong verb form

grow

show examples

at the same rate in

thousands

Add the preposition

thousands of

show examples

years. For that reason, I do think the concentration of

science

work should be shifting to our fellow friends from other sorts of

animals

. In conclusion,

humans

cannot be selfish to have

science

distribute

Wrong verb form

distributed

show examples

only to their

conveniences

Fix the agreement mistake

convenience

show examples

and success regardless of the negative

inflluence

Correct your spelling

influence

on the other

species

resulted

Wrong verb form

resulting

show examples

from some smart but not environmentally considerable enough experiments.

Also

, we should apply

science

to the preservation of disappearing

animals

because of our indirect but connected

relation

Replace the word

relationship

show examples

this

world.

Consequently

, my belief

for

Change preposition

show examples

science

's important mission is not only with

humans

' lives but

also

the ecosystem in which

animals

and plants are living.

Submitted by camcat.viking on Sat Jan 13 2024

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task achievement

Your essay presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the depth and development of ideas need to be enhanced to fully address all parts of the task. Try to explore the nuances of the topic more thoroughly and present a balanced argument with a more comprehensive evaluation of the statement.

coherence cohesion

The essay maintains logical ordering of information and ideas but sometimes lacks clear progression in the main body paragraphs. Transition words and phrases should be employed more effectively to create a seamless flow of ideas. Moreover, ensure that each paragraph presents a clear central topic which is then developed with explanations and examples.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

366 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

crucial role
technological advancements
medical discoveries
life-changing inventions
innovations
solutions to human problems
enhancing quality of life
improvement of healthcare
transportation
communication
agriculture
energy sectors
eradication of diseases
prolongation of life expectancy
global challenges
climate change
overpopulation
food security
developed world
underprivileged communities

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The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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