many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, the tendency of companies to produce
food
containing enormous amounts of sugar has risen significantly. Yet, such
a trend will negatively influence people’s health conditions in many ways. Therefore
, remedies should be taken into account in order to prevent such
a catastrophic phenomenon. From my perspective, increasing the costs of unhealthy products can be a logical means of doing so, and the underlying reasons for my agreement will be highlighted in detail below.
There are numerous rationales why raising the expenses of junk food
by manufacturers can be a justifiable policy in demotivating customers to make these purchases. First and foremost, most of the buyers take great notice of the prices during their shopping. It is inevitable that for many, the money spent on food
is of even more importance than the quality. For instance
, a large proportion of shoppers are bound to purchase cheap materials with low nutrient levels and no accountable benefits for their bodies. Hence
, this
can lead to huge reductions in the sales of detrimental food
.
However
, another noticeable way of surmounting this
alarming issue is with the help of the government, particularly through advertising. Funds should be allocated to this
matter by the authorities. As an illustration, they could build up specific stations in large grocery chain stores to present the damaging impact of hazardous and ominous foods and enlighten people about the dire effects of such
negative habits of consumerism leading to a malnourished body and myriad diseases.
In conclusion, I shall reaffirm once more that people would unconsciously reduce their amount of carbohydrate consumption when confronting exorbitant items in shops, and this
can tremendously contribute to their well-being.Submitted by shery.1375.sh on
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coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, it's crucial to ensure the essay flows smoothly from one point to the next. Your essay shows an effort in constructing a logical structure, yet there are moments where ideas could transition more seamlessly. Consider using more varied and precise linking phrases to connect your ideas better. Additionally, while the introduction and conclusion are present, they could be strengthened by explicitly reiterating your main points and thesis.
task achievement
Regarding task achievement, your essay responds to the prompt but could delve deeper into the topic. Aim to discuss the implications, comparisons, and complexities of the issue more fully to show a comprehensive understanding. While clear ideas are presented, they sometimes lack ample development — expanding on your examples with more detail could enhance the effectiveness of your argument.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite