IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some parents claim that advertisements are misleading for children while others allege that they provide useful information. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

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Some argue that the
advertisements
Use synonyms
 are misleading
children
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others claim that they are useful
information
Use synonyms
. Nowadays,
commercials
Use synonyms
 create awareness, and it is easy to manipulate
children
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
advertisements
Use synonyms
 impart various
information
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 to the
children
Use synonyms
, like their usage and their importance to them. Despite making accusations in
advertisements
Use synonyms
, it is vital to understand the concept of
commercials
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.
Whereas
Linking Words
, they provide
information
Use synonyms
 about discounts, and the customers can take advantage of them.
For instance
Linking Words
, if the
children
Use synonyms
 see an advertisement for an online course with a discount on it, it could benefit them more than investing money without knowing that. To reiterate, without
commercials
Use synonyms
, it is harder to know about the products and could lose many advantages.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
advertisements
Use synonyms
 can easily influence
children
Use synonyms
 and make them think they are irrational. Because
children
Use synonyms
 are sensitive and easy to manipulate, they are
also
Linking Words
 captivated by those
advertisements
Use synonyms
. These days, organisations target
children
Use synonyms
 to make profits
instead
Linking Words
 of making purposeful ads.
For example
Linking Words
, a survey conducted in one region found that an advertisement for the drug made a skyrocketing profit by establishing that ad. Notably, those drugs were used by minors a lot. These kinds of misleading
children
Use synonyms
 in those manners are increasing nowadays.
Thus
Linking Words
, many people argue that these kinds of
advertisements
Use synonyms
 should be considered illicit.
To conclude
Linking Words
, in my perspective, it is essential to understand and teach
children
Use synonyms
 about
commercials
Use synonyms
. If the
children
Use synonyms
 start to understand the real conception of
advertisements
Use synonyms
, there won’t be any misleading
information
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, proper guidance should be given to the
children
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
The essay lacks a fully developed introduction and conclusion. These are essential for framing your discussion and summarizing your main points and opinion. Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the views you will discuss, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your discussion and clearly states your opinion.
Task Achievement
The ideas presented in the essay need to be more developed and expanded upon with clear and relevant examples. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and supporting details that demonstrate your understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical flow between ideas and paragraphs could be improved. Make more effective use of cohesive devices such as linking words and transition phrases to create a smoother narrative that is easier to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on paragraph structuring to clearly distinguish between different points of view. Each paragraph should focus on a single aspect of the argument, providing a clear and comprehensive exploration of that point.
Language Proficiency
Be vigilant about grammar and vocabulary errors as they can obfuscate your arguments and reduce the clarity of your essay. Regular practice and review of grammar rules can be beneficial.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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