IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is important for people to take risk, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risk outweuigh the disadvatages ?

#people #risk #lives #outweuigh #disadvatages
Our lives depend on our choices. For some people, taking
risks
 is essential to their lives, but for others, they always avoid taking their own
risks
. From my point of view, taking
risks
 is necessary and plays an important role in our lives. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, taking
risks
 brings us a lot of benefits and experiences for life.
Firstly
, when we overcome the
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 that we have to face, we can learn from
this
 experience. Stepping out of our comfort zone and taking
risks
 will give us more courage and confidence in ourselves. Another advantage of taking
risks
 is that creating new opportunities leads to success. Elon Musk, the richest person on the planet, says, “Failure is an option here. If things are not failing, you are not innovating enough". On the other side, taking
risks
also
 has some disadvantages. Just taking
risks
 does not always lead to success. There are unpredictable outcomes to the
risks
 we face that can make us frustrated and lose faith in ourselves.
For example
, we invest all our money in a project that we do not know if we can succeed and profit from or not. If we fail, it will greatly affect our finances and spirit. In conclusion, I believe that the positive of taking
risks
 outweighs the negative. Whether they fail or succeed in taking
risks
, they learn many lessons from them. Creating new opportunities is part of taking
risks
.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay provides a clear position throughout the response which is crucial for Task Achievement. However, to score higher, ensure to answer all parts of the question fully. Addressing how the advantages of risk-taking might outweigh the disadvantages with more detail and exploration would enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, it would be beneficial to include more transition phrases that highlight contrasts or comparisons between points. This will make the organisation of your ideas clearer to the reader, thereby creating a more logical structure. Additionally, rather than just presenting points, expand on them by explaining the connection and implications they have regarding the topic at hand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!