IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

2.Nowadays, people have developed poor eating habits and do not eat balanced diet. What are the reasons behind this? Suggest possible solutions to control this

Today,
people
Use synonyms
 in big cities face the problem of having unhealthy and less nutritious diets
also
Linking Words
 often skip their meals.
This
Linking Words
 essay aims to give the reason for
this
Linking Words
 situation and
also
Linking Words
 put toward for solution. There are several primary reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 adopt fast
food
Use synonyms
 rather than balanced nutrient
food
Use synonyms
. The busy
schedule
Use synonyms
 and a sequence of meetings for the
people
Use synonyms
 who work in the big city often make it difficult to take a rest and eat a proper meal.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who work at the agency, often overwork until midnight to prepare the project, they might skip lunch and for dinner, they tend to choose to order simple
food
Use synonyms
 like junk
food
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, the influence of their idol can make an impact on public perspectives. South Korean pop (
Kpop
Correct your spelling
K-pop
) idols have a big impact on how
people
Use synonyms
 look after their bodies, making them want to have that kind of
body
Use synonyms
 goal like their idols.
For example
Linking Words
, a
kpop
Correct your spelling
K-pop
pop
 girl
grup
Correct your spelling
group
 called Blackpink became a trend and made the majority of
girl
Fix the agreement mistake
girls
show examples
 want to have that skinny
body
Use synonyms
 goal like them.
People
Use synonyms
 who have a busy hustle life should take more care of their health since skipping meals and eating unbalanced nutrients can have a bad impact on them. The company should strictly make a
schedule
Use synonyms
 for meal
time
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 as a priority as the meeting, to make the rest
time
Use synonyms
 essential.
For example
Linking Words
, the company can make rest
time
Use synonyms
 from 12 am until 1 pm as a free agenda, so the workers can have sufficient
time
Use synonyms
 for lunch.
Also
Linking Words
, the public through social media like Instagram and
twitter
Capitalize word
Twitter
show examples
 should take an awareness that beauty can come from everyone whatever their
body
Use synonyms
 shape as long as at a healthy level. Love
ourself
Capitalize word
Ourself
show examples
 champagne can broaden
people
Use synonyms
’s views and they will start to love their bodies and have a good diet. In conclusion, the reason behind the increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 who skip their meals can come from their busy
schedule
Use synonyms
 work and their perspective of
body
Use synonyms
 goals from their idols, possible solutions are to make a meal
schedule
Use synonyms
 by the company and spread public awareness through social media to make
people
Use synonyms
 love themselves more.

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure of the essay, ensure that paragraphs are well-organized and each main idea flows naturally into the next. Use clear topic sentences and ensure that subsequent sentences within the paragraph support that main idea effectively.
coherence cohesion
It's important that both an introduction and a conclusion are included in the essay. Make sure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed without presenting new information.
coherence cohesion
For main points to be well-supported, you need to include detailed explanations, examples, or evidence that back up your claims. Avoid making general statements without showing exactly how they relate to the topic.
task achievement
To address the task more completely, make sure you respond to all parts of the question. The essay gave reasons but could have expanded more on solutions. Solutions presented should be direct responses to the problems discussed and could be developed further.
task achievement
When presenting ideas, clarity and comprehensiveness are key. Each paragraph should clearly introduce its main idea and develop it fully. Look to connect your ideas logically, ensuring that each sentence contributes to the overall aim of the paragraph.
task achievement
Using relevant and specific examples strengthens your arguments. Ensure that the examples you provide directly illustrate the points you're making and that they're thoroughly explained and relevant to the prompt.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced diet
  • poor eating habits
  • unhealthy food
  • fast food
  • convenience
  • advertising
  • nutrition
  • financial constraints
  • emotional eating
  • peer pressure
  • hectic work schedules
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • junk food
  • processed food
  • nutrient-rich
  • obesity
  • health consequences
What to do next:
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