IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The chart below shows the amount spent on six consumer goods in four European countries.

The chart below shows the amount spent on six consumer goods in four European countries.
#amount #six #consumer #goods #four #european #countries
The given chart demonstrates the
amount
 of
money
 spent in four European countries
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 six consumer goods.
According to
 the illustrated data currency and spent
money
measured
Add a missing verb
are measured
show examples
 as
thousand
 pound sterling, and
this
 data
based
Add a missing verb
is based
show examples
 on
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of
money
 on sales of goods in Germany, Italy, France and Britain.
Firstly
, German
people
 and
people
 from Italy spent
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 similar
amount
 of
money
 on buying personal stereos and tennis racquets (almost 150
thousand
 pounds sterling).
Likewise
,
did
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Britain which
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 just over 160
thousand
 pound sterling.
On the other hand
, French
people
 spent much
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
less than other countries, nearly 135
thousand
 pounds for each item.
Secondly
, items like perfumes, CDs and toys draw
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 results for Germany about 145
thousand
pound
Fix the agreement mistake
pounds
show examples
 sterling.
On the contrary
, the French and the British spent a lot of
money
 than other countries. Moving to
sale
Add an article
the sale
show examples
 of photographic film,
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 clearly seen that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
France and the British spent much more
money
in contrast
 with
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 5 items. Meanwhile, Germany maintained its
amount
 of
spent
Change the form of the verb
spending
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 all items.
Furthermore
, Italian
people
 showed
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
a resemble trend except for toys and photographic films.
Submitted by esenkulova.ulbosyn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, money, thousand, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: