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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people prefer to directly help or support people who need it in the local community. However, others prefer to give money to the national or international charities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give your opinion.

#people #support #community #money #charities
Throughout
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history, ways of giving charity are still debatable. Half of the society
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
 to hand the
support
 directly to the ones who need it or to the
community
that is
 related,
while
 others prefer to count on national or international charities.
This
 essay will
extent
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extend
show examples
 both
perspectvies
Correct your spelling
perspectives
along with
 the illustrations
as well as
 my opinion. On the one hand, many people are already awake of
volunteerily
Correct your spelling
volunteer
voluntarily
 work as the result the result itself can be seen instantly
despites
Correct your spelling
despite
show examples
 the lack of resources.
This
support
 can be versatile
depends
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on what
Correct article usage
the
show examples
community
asked
Wrong verb form
asks
show examples
 for.
For instance
, many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
citizens facilitate
a
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apply
show examples
help to the local orphanages nearby with clothes, books, and even food. From what I see,
this
 type of
assist
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assistance
show examples
 will be beneficial as humans not only serve and make an impact
to
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on
show examples
 their society
,
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apply
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 but
also
 can sustain a social responsibility and build
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
community
 ties with fellow individuals.
On the other hand
,
Correct article usage
the goverment-based
show examples
goverment-based
Correct your spelling
government-based
 financial donation sector will make an inclusive society as they will distribute the
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 in
wider
Add an article
a wider
show examples
 range. More than that, the impacts will be
also
 greater since the funding will be handled by a professional expert in an
economical
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economic
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 area.
For instance
,
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a country
show examples
country
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a country
show examples
 like Indonesia once helped Congo
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through
show examples
in
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through
show examples
Correct article usage
apply
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an
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apply
show examples
international cooperation to solve the hunger issue in that country. I
support
this
 motion as
this
 kind of
support
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 any
levels
Fix the agreement mistake
level
show examples
 of humans in
comprehensive
Change the article
a comprehensive
show examples
 way.
However
, the
transparacy
Correct your spelling
transparency
 of
this
 action is not as visible as in the
non-goverment
Correct your spelling
non-government
 organizations.
To sum up
,
whereas
 many people opt to do
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
volunteer work or directly help the others through local
community
, others believe that fundraising
that
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apply
show examples
is held by trustworthy or legal
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
 like national or even international charities. More than that, I
also
 believe that both sides are efficient
to help
Change preposition
in helping
show examples
 those who are
needed
Wrong verb form
in need
show examples
.
Submitted by writingielts0 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure the essay has a clear logical structure. Each paragraph should have one main idea, supported by relevant details and examples. Use cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas within and across sentences and paragraphs, ensuring that the essay flows smoothly from introduction to conclusion.
task achievement
Aim to fully address the prompt by discussing both views comprehensively and providing a clear, distinct opinion. The response must adequately cover all aspects of the task. When giving examples, make sure they are relevant, specific, and detailed enough to support the arguments being made.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • philanthropy
  • grassroots
  • non-governmental organizations (NGOs)
  • altruism
  • donation
  • volunteer
  • sponsor
  • beneficiary
  • transparency
  • accountability
  • advocacy
  • impact
  • scalability
  • community development
  • fundraising
  • non-profit sector
  • humanitarian aid
  • social responsibility
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