IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

: More and more people want to own famous brands such as cars, clothes, or other items. This is positive or negative? Give out your opinion

#people #brands #cars #clothes #items
TO own famous
brands
 is a common thing nowadays ,
However
, there are many
people
caring
Wrong verb form
care
show examples
 too much
with
Change preposition
about
show examples
 phrasing
brands
 in clothes ,
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
 cars or other things in life.in
this
 essay,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 strongly believe
that is
 the wrong way of thinking and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will explore more in
this
 essay . With being, The idea
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
phrase
brands
thing become
Verb problem
are
show examples
 increasing day by day that happened probably a result of advertisements in social media .and another reason, the second cause is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
blogger
Fix the agreement mistake
bloggers
show examples
 or Advertisers because they
say
Verb problem
apply
show examples
overemphasized
Wrong verb form
overemphasise
show examples
 information about products ,
Moreover
, the impact of influences
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them buy stuff that
thinking
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
brands
 and has different and quality ,
Furthermore
 , many
people
 today prefer to share what they were bought with friends and taken pictures for others to show them how it's expensive.
On the other hand
 ,
that is
 negative behaviour if we
looked
Wrong verb form
look at
show examples
 it from
Correct article usage
the brain's
show examples
brain's
Correct article usage
the brain's
show examples
 view ,
However
 ,
people
 have a bad effect ,first , is that costs
Correct article usage
an individual
show examples
individual
Correct article usage
an individual
show examples
 a lot of money ,which can
spend
Wrong verb form
be spent
show examples
in
Correct article usage
a beneficial
show examples
beneficial
Correct article usage
a beneficial
show examples
 way ,
ALSO
, IN my point view that makes diffrenaute between
people
 and rise the heating , in A
additionally
, that make
people
 believe for repetitions of thing , not the value forward things . To Sump, I strongly agree that
people
 should be more thinking before buying stuff and not believe the stories behind the advertisements of
brands
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many
people
 have said previously "
brands
Capitalize word
Brands
show examples
 are trak of rich
people
 but poor
people
 believe it .
Submitted by kazza735 on

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coherence cohesion
You need to ensure that you set out your argument in a clear and logical way, and that each paragraph naturally flows from one to the next. Your essay lacks cohesion in the way that ideas are ordered and paragraphs transition. Use cohesive devices appropriately.
coherence cohesion
Introduce your topic in the first paragraph and summarize your main points in the conclusion. Make sure to provide a conclusion that summarizes the argument and presents a final thought. Your introduction and conclusion were present, albeit somewhat unclear.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with developed arguments, explanations, or examples. Each of your body paragraphs should revolve around one main idea, but your essay has not sufficiently elaborated on these ideas.
task achievement
Make sure your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Your response must answer the question directly and with a clear opinion. Your essay exhibited an attempt but did not address the prompt entirely.
task achievement
Develop your ideas clearly and ensure there is an unambiguous stance throughout the essay. Your essay may benefit from more comprehensive idea development to support your opinion.
task achievement
Include specific and relevant examples to back your claims and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic. While you attempted to provide examples, they were not specific or fully relevant to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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