IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016.

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016.
#line #patients #four #clinics
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The graph illustrates the average how many weekly sick persons coming
four
Change preposition
to four
show examples
 different clinics of a hospital over a
6-years
Fix the agreement mistake
6-year
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 period.
Overall
Linking Words
, what we can see in the graph is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
eye
Use synonyms
 diabetic and dental clinics sharply rose all over the period,
while
Linking Words
 the
birth
Use synonyms
control
Use synonyms
clinic
Use synonyms
 fluctuated slightly throughout the interval. At the beginning of the time, visiting
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the
birth
Use synonyms
control
Use synonyms
clinic
Use synonyms
 was
significant
Add an article
a significant
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 segment at around 240,
while
Linking Words
 the diabetic was the smallest point only 60 sick persons.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, both,
eye
Use synonyms
 and diabetic medical centers with 125 and 100
patients
Use synonyms
. Till 2012,
eye
Use synonyms
,
birth
Use synonyms
control
Use synonyms
 and diabetic health centers grew slightly approximately 280, 150 and 90
patients
Use synonyms
. Until the end of the period, the
eye
Use synonyms
clinic
Use synonyms
 increased dramatically with roughly 350
patients
Use synonyms
 and became the biggest category,
while
Linking Words
birth
Use synonyms
control
Use synonyms
 fluctuated slowly.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, in 2012,
diabetic
Correct article usage
the diabetic
show examples
 medical center stood at
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
80 sick persons,
while
Linking Words
 dental rose significantly by 120
patients
Use synonyms
. Until 2016,
diabetic
Correct article usage
the diabetic
show examples
clinic
Use synonyms
center
Change the spelling
centre
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 rose considerably by 175,
while
Linking Words
dental
Correct article usage
the dental
show examples
 health
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 grew
merely
Change preposition
by merely
show examples
 5
patients
Use synonyms
 and became the smallest segment.
Submitted by yoqubjonovjamshidbek23 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "subsequently, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words eye, birth, control, clinic, patients with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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