IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Education for young people is important in many countries. However, some people think that the government should spend more money on education in adult populations who cannot read and write. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is believed that despite the importance of providing
education
Use synonyms
 to young
people
Use synonyms
, the
spent
Replace the word
spending
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 of money by
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
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 on literacy for
adult
Add an article
the adult
an adult
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 population who are not able to write and read should
to
Change the verb form
apply
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be fostered. Considering that
education
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 can change social realities and increase life's prosperity,
this
Linking Words
 essay agrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement. It is known that the lack of literacy impacts many lives across the world.
People
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 who did not have the chance of having classes during their childhood face difficulty in their adult realities. Job
opportunity
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opportunities
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 and personal development are affected by
absence
Add an article
the absence
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 of alphabetization. Because of
this
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 fact,
government
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 plays an important role
minimizing
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in minimizing
show examples
this
Linking Words
 social problem. In Brazil,
for instance
Linking Words
, there is
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Correct article usage
a government's
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government's
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government
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 program which
foster
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fosters
show examples
 the growth
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education
Change preposition
of education
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 in adulthood. It has brought considerable changes in many perspectives.
In addition
Linking Words
 to the social impact, injecting money
to
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into
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adults
Change the noun form
adult
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education
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 can bring positive
prospect
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prospects
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 in the economic field. The more
people
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able
Add a missing verb
are able
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 to read and write the more
people
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ready
Add a missing verb
are ready
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 to enter
in
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apply
show examples
the
labor
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labour
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 market. Considering that literate
people
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 have their
possibities
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possibilities
wided
Correct your spelling
wide
, they can choose an occupation. Just to complement the
privious
Correct your spelling
previous
 example, in the same country, the
government
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 provides technical courses to the person who had late literacy,
thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 one can end the course as a professional.
To conclude
Linking Words
, creating
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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to
Change preposition
for
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 adults to complete their
education
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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social
Correct article usage
a social
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 and economic impact
to
Change preposition
on
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 the community and the
government
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play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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 a huge role in
this
Linking Words
circunstance
Correct your spelling
circumstance
.

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structure
Be sure to structure your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. While the logical structure is adequate, the absence of a formal greeting and closure detracts from the overall coherence. Each paragraph should center around a single, clear idea, which has been satisfactorily achieved.
task response
Ensure your essay addresses all parts of the task prompt comprehensively. Your response largely meets this requirement. However, aiming to cover all nuances of the prompt will enhance the completeness of your response.
tone
Maintain a more formal and consistent tone appropriate for an academic essay. The tone of your writing has instances of informality, which should be addressed for a higher band score in this criterion.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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