Education for young people is important in many countries. However, some people think that the government should spend more money on education in adult populations who cannot read and write. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is believed that despite the importance of providing
education
to young
people
, the
spent
Replace the word
spending
show examples
of money by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
on literacy for
adult
Add an article
the adult
an adult
show examples
population who are not able to write and read should
to
Change the verb form
apply
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be fostered. Considering that
education
can change social realities and increase life's prosperity,
this
essay agrees with
this
statement. It is known that the lack of literacy impacts many lives across the world.
People
who did not have the chance of having classes during their childhood face difficulty in their adult realities. Job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
and personal development are affected by
absence
Add an article
the absence
show examples
of alphabetization. Because of
this
fact,
government
plays an important role
minimizing
Change preposition
in minimizing
show examples
this
social problem. In Brazil,
for instance
, there is
Correct article usage
a government's
show examples
government's
Change noun form
government
show examples
program which
foster
Change the verb form
fosters
show examples
the growth
education
Change preposition
of education
show examples
in adulthood. It has brought considerable changes in many perspectives.
In addition
to the social impact, injecting money
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
adults
Change the noun form
adult
show examples
education
can bring positive
prospect
Fix the agreement mistake
prospects
show examples
in the economic field. The more
people
able
Add a missing verb
are able
show examples
to read and write the more
people
ready
Add a missing verb
are ready
show examples
to enter
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
market. Considering that literate
people
have their
possibities
Correct your spelling
possibilities
wided
Correct your spelling
wide
, they can choose an occupation. Just to complement the
privious
Correct your spelling
previous
example, in the same country, the
government
provides technical courses to the person who had late literacy,
thus
,
this
one can end the course as a professional.
To conclude
, creating
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
adults to complete their
education
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
social
Correct article usage
a social
show examples
and economic impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the community and the
government
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
a huge role in
this
circunstance
Correct your spelling
circumstance
.
Submitted by carinabmurakami on

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structure
Be sure to structure your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. While the logical structure is adequate, the absence of a formal greeting and closure detracts from the overall coherence. Each paragraph should center around a single, clear idea, which has been satisfactorily achieved.
task response
Ensure your essay addresses all parts of the task prompt comprehensively. Your response largely meets this requirement. However, aiming to cover all nuances of the prompt will enhance the completeness of your response.
tone
Maintain a more formal and consistent tone appropriate for an academic essay. The tone of your writing has instances of informality, which should be addressed for a higher band score in this criterion.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

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