Many museums and historical sites are mostly visited by foreign tourists, but not by local people. Why do you think it happens? What can be done to attract local people to these sites?
The first line graph shows the data that British guardian
purchasing
to the Wrong verb form
purchased
sport
for their child from a
year Change the article
the
of
2008 to 20014 by pound sterling. The second line graph illustrates the proportion of Change preposition
apply
children
who are participating in three different factors of sports over in the UK at the same period time
.
Change preposition
of time
Overall
, from the comparison of the line graphs that gave an information
the amount of money that has been spent was increased Remove the article
information
a piece of information
in
every Change preposition
apply
two
years
from Correct article usage
the started
started
. Change the form of the verb
start
On the other hand
, participation in the sport
of children
also
clime up same as money that has been purchased. The highest sport
that popular for
Change preposition
among
the
Correct article usage
apply
kid
is football it is over Fix the agreement mistake
kids
than
7 Change preposition
apply
million
. Extremely increased was an Athletics. Despite swimming slightly rise too.
From started the average monthly spend on Childrens’ sports starting at 20 pounds on
2008 and rise to 25 pounds in 2008. As we have seen there, the prices are increasing every Change preposition
in
two
single years
. From the
average that British parents spent Change preposition
The
was
increasedUnnecessary verb
apply
5
pounds Change preposition
by 5
in
every Change preposition
apply
two
years
.
Number
of Change the article
A number
The number
children
who are
Verb problem
apply
participation
in three different sports, most Replace the word
participate
of
Change preposition
apply
teenage
would love to join in football sections. Correct your spelling
teenagers
From the
information Change preposition
The
starting
at 8 Wrong verb form
started
million
in 2008 and 2010, the increased to 9.5 million
in 2012 and 2014. On swimming factors slightly rose to 3 million
in 2014 which means in
every Change preposition
apply
years
2 Change to a singular noun
year
million
2 million
of
Change preposition
apply
children
will participating
. Wrong verb form
participate
Last
Correct article usage
The last
of
Change preposition
apply
sport
factors was athletics, in Fix the agreement mistake
sports
first
Correct article usage
the first
two
years
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
position
and extremely increased in 2012 Change preposition
in position
at
5 Change preposition
to
million
then
fall
to 4.7 Wrong verb form
fell
million
in a
year of 2014.Change the article
the
Submitted by Chaiyapat Soka on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
introduction conclusion present
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are important for setting the context and summarising the main points. Ensure the essay has a clear introductory paragraph and a concluding paragraph that reinforces your main points.
The essay failed to directly address the given topic about museums and historical sites. It instead discusses a completely unrelated subject regarding sports participation and expenditure in the UK. Always ensure you respond to the specific topic and question,
logical structure
There are significant issues with coherence and cohesion in the essay. Sentences are disjointed, and ideas are not logically sequenced. Work on creating clear topic sentences and follow them with supporting information that develops these ideas in a structured manner.
supported main points
The main points presented are difficult to follow and are not effectively supported with clear and relevant examples. Always aim to have clear main points and support each one with specific examples or data.
clear comprehensive ideas
Be sure to focus on the topic given and develop a comprehensive response that addresses all parts of the prompt. Provide clear and comprehensive ideas that respond to the 'why' and 'what can be done' for the specific subject of local engagement in museums and historical sites.
relevant specific examples
The essay does not provide relevant examples related to the question about why local people might not visit museums and historical sites and what can be done to attract them. Make sure to include specific, relevant examples to support your ideas and responses.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.