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Band 5.5

The proportion of older people is increasing, what problems will this cause and what solutions can be suggested?

#proportion #people
It is a great issue that with the advances in technology, the number of ageing
people
 has been rising at an alarming rate across the world.
This
 essay shall look into the causes of
this
 phenomenon, and suggest some measures to overcome
this
 situation in an effective way. Though senior citizens have great knowledge and expertise in every aspect of human life, they have been creating some problems in society
as well as
 in the economy. One possible problem is that the
government
 have to pay extra aid for the purposes of the welfare of elder
people
.
As a result
, the
government
 can take some initiatives to collect extra aid from society
people
 including the young generation.
On the other hand
, senior citizens do not have any contribution to improve the socio-economic conditions as they have retired from their respective workstations after a certain age.
Furthermore
, the country has been struggling with the lack of skilled and knowledgeable
people
 once elder
people
 retire from their jobs or businesses.
For instance
,
government
 service holders must be retired after once they become 65 years old which is why the
government
 need to pay pension schemes and retirement benefits. There are several strategies that the
government
 can take to tackle these issues.
Firstly
, the
government
 can create mass awareness among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
 so that they are encouraged to give birth as recently it has been found that a particular number of married
people
 are not interested in becoming parents because of huge pressure in their respective jobs or businesses.
Secondly
, the
government
 may declare special packages
such
 as free medical facilities and education for those who will have more than one child.
To sum up
,
although
 older
people
 have been creating more problems in the society and economy, the
government
 may take the aforementioned measures to fix the problems created by the senior
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
.
Submitted by faisalmahamood on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay includes a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction should outline the issues to be discussed, while the conclusion should summarise the key points and reiterate the answers to the question.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with clear, logical reasoning and use cohesive devices such as linking words and transition phrases to help the reader follow the progression of ideas through the essay.
task achievement
Adhere to the task by directly answering the prompt with well-developed and extended ideas. Make sure to provide an equal discussion of the problems and the solutions, offering specific examples to support each point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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