Although it is generally illegal, physical punishment continues in many countries. Some argue that parents should have the right to punish their children in this way. Do you agree or disagree?
In order to study
children
well and help them to avoid severe life mistakes some parents use physical punishments. I firmly agree that physical treatments without body damage contribute to more effective parenting and make children
better in the
future life.
Change the word
their
Firstly
, despite some people's insisting that physical punishment
is inappropriate because it can break children
's psychology, I think that It is less traumatic than mental treatment. In other words
, shouting or mental pressing are
much more harmful than light slapping. Change the verb form
is
On the contrary
shouting or threats to a little kid are often more damaging.
In other words
, physical punishment
can be not necessarily as punching but be
more like sports exercises. Unnecessary verb
apply
For example
, in one family squads were used to punish children
who disobeyed their parents. This
is because sports exercises are not harmful or offensive but quite effective.
Secondly
, nevertheless
, some people believe that only conversation and acceptance must be used, I am sure that the fear of punishment
is a great teacher and an important factor in training kids. For instance
, restrictions and rules can be imposed only if there is a threat of punishment
and it helps to develop individual responsibility
. It looks similar to the common model of the present society where damaging punishment
can be imposed for criminals who violate the law. That is
why adults without personal responsibility
and realising of
consequences can be useless or even dangerous. Change preposition
apply
Due to
this
physical punishment
develops personal responsibility
and is more effective in terms of modern society.
To sum up
, it is important to study children
effectively and harmful
. Smart physical Change the word
harmfully
punishment
can be very productive in terms of increasing personal responsibility
and not harmful as well.Submitted by tarasovnn on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are essential components of an IELTS essay to guide the reader through the argument and effectively summarize the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a basic logical structure but lacks complex sentences and cohesive devices which are needed to link ideas across paragraphs and within sentences.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are not fully supported by relevant examples or explanations. Ensure each main argument is clearly explained and supported with specific examples.
task achievement
The essay does not fully address the task; there is a need to provide a clearer position throughout the essay and fully develop arguments related to the given prompt.
task achievement
The ideas are somewhat clear, but they need to be developed more comprehensively. The essay should expand on the ideas presented to fully explore them.
task achievement
Some examples are provided, but they need to be more relevant and specific to the argument being made. Ensure that the examples are clearly linked to the main points and help to support your argument.