Some people are leaving the countryside to live in the cities and the town, leaving only the old people in the countryside. What problem are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this problem?

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Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
a
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massive number of
people
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have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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migrated to the
cities
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, leaving the
elder
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elderly
show examples
in the
countryside
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. There are several
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
why they want to move to the
cities
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. In
this
Linking Words
essay, I will examine all the relevant arguments based on factual premises. There are several
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
, the most prominent one is that they want to pursue their education. Mostly, all prestigious schools or universities are in the big
cities
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. The
government
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should be looking for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
solutions to
this
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problem.
Moreover
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, if the
government
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want to reduce the number of
people
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who
migrated
Wrong verb form
migrate
show examples
to big
cities
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, they would build schools and universities in
Use synonyms
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
with numerous facilities;
therefore
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, it can interest young
people
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to
enroll
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enrol
show examples
.
Furthermore
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, the other
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
is they want to have a better life. In big
cities
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, there are a lot of
opportunities
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such
Linking Words
as occupation
oppotunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
,
network
Correct word choice
and network
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opportunities
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that might be difficult to find in the
countryside
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. The
government
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must open numerous work
opportunities
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;
thus
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,
people
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have choices and want to stay in the
countryside
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.
Moreover
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, the
government
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should assist
people
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who
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
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to open
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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with ease
accesibility
Correct your spelling
accessibility
to
loan
Fix the agreement mistake
loans
show examples
.
Besides
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
work
opportunities
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and education chances, the youth prefers the big
cities
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because of the various recreational places that can easily be found in metropolitan areas. In
this
Linking Words
case, the
government
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should construct outdoor recreation
site
Fix the agreement mistake
sites
show examples
;
hence
Linking Words
it can appeal young generation to abide in rural areas. In conclusion, there are numerous issues that the
government
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must pay attention to decrease the number of
people
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who
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
show examples
to urbanize. Education and occupation
opportunities
Use synonyms
must be prioritized by the authorities.
Submitted by gladysdharmawan1994 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. Your introduction should provide a brief overview of the topic, each body paragraph should focus on a single main point followed by supporting arguments or examples, and the conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your position, if applicable.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices and paragraphing appropriately. In your essay, there should be clear transitions from one idea to the next to enhance the readability. However, avoid overusing conjunctions and make sure that each cohesive device accurately reflects the relationship between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Provide clear and relevant main points that support your argument. While your essay mentions several issues, make sure that each point is sufficiently developed with explanations or examples. Unsupported statements can weaken your argument.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task, and ensure that your response directly answers the questions posed in the prompt. You should spend time developing each part of the question and ensure that your position is clear throughout the essay.
task achievement
Develop your ideas comprehensively, provide deeper analysis, and include more specific examples. Use real-world instances or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate your points. Anecdotes, data, or references to studies can also provide more weight to your arguments.
task achievement
You need to include more relevant, specific examples to support your ideas. General statements should be accompanied by solid evidence or illustrations that substantiate your arguments and provide a clearer view of your stance on the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • migration
  • demographic shift
  • agricultural labor
  • increased urban population
  • medical care
  • elderly care
  • rural culture
  • urban infrastructure
  • resources
  • brain drain
  • government incentives
  • job opportunities
  • awareness
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