Some people are leaving the countryside to live in the cities and the town, leaving only the old people in the countryside. What problem are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this problem?
Nowadays,
the
massive number of Correct article usage
a
people
have been
migrated to the Unnecessary verb
apply
cities
, leaving the elder
in the Replace the word
elderly
countryside
. There are several reason
why they want to move to the Change to a plural noun
reasons
cities
. In this
essay, I will examine all the relevant arguments based on factual premises.
There are several reason
, the most prominent one is that they want to pursue their education. Mostly, all prestigious schools or universities are in the big Change to a plural noun
reasons
cities
. The government
should be looking for the
solutions to Correct article usage
apply
this
problem. Moreover
, if the government
want to reduce the number of people
who migrated
to big Wrong verb form
migrate
cities
, they would build schools and universities in countryside
with numerous facilities; Add an article
the countryside
therefore
, it can interest young people
to enroll
.
Change the spelling
enrol
Furthermore
, the other reasons
is they want to have a better life. In big Fix the agreement mistake
reason
cities
, there are a lot of opportunities
such
as occupation oppotunities
, Correct your spelling
opportunities
network
Correct word choice
and network
opportunities
that might be difficult to find in the countryside
. The government
must open numerous work opportunities
; thus
, people
have choices and want to stay in the countryside
. Moreover
, the government
should assist people
who wanted
to open Wrong verb form
want
new
Add an article
a new
business
with ease Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
accesibility
to Correct your spelling
accessibility
loan
.
Fix the agreement mistake
loans
Besides
of
work Change preposition
apply
opportunities
and education chances, the youth prefers the big cities
because of the various recreational places that can easily be found in metropolitan areas. In this
case, the government
should construct outdoor recreation site
; Fix the agreement mistake
sites
hence
it can appeal young generation to abide in rural areas.
In conclusion, there are numerous issues that the government
must pay attention to decrease the number of people
who wanted
to urbanize. Education and occupation Wrong verb form
want
opportunities
must be prioritized by the authorities.Submitted by gladysdharmawan1994 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. Your introduction should provide a brief overview of the topic, each body paragraph should focus on a single main point followed by supporting arguments or examples, and the conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your position, if applicable.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices and paragraphing appropriately. In your essay, there should be clear transitions from one idea to the next to enhance the readability. However, avoid overusing conjunctions and make sure that each cohesive device accurately reflects the relationship between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Provide clear and relevant main points that support your argument. While your essay mentions several issues, make sure that each point is sufficiently developed with explanations or examples. Unsupported statements can weaken your argument.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task, and ensure that your response directly answers the questions posed in the prompt. You should spend time developing each part of the question and ensure that your position is clear throughout the essay.
task achievement
Develop your ideas comprehensively, provide deeper analysis, and include more specific examples. Use real-world instances or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate your points. Anecdotes, data, or references to studies can also provide more weight to your arguments.
task achievement
You need to include more relevant, specific examples to support your ideas. General statements should be accompanied by solid evidence or illustrations that substantiate your arguments and provide a clearer view of your stance on the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example