A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in the cinema affects the actions of our young people and therefore increases the amount of violence in our society today. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? What can be done to reduce violence in our society today?
A lot of people believe that the amount of
violence
shown on TV and cinema influences the young generation and therefore
makes the violence
number rise significantly. Even though I believe that portraying violenceviolance
on TV has a detrimental effect on Correct your spelling
violence violence
society
I totally disagree that it can cause such
an increasing number of criminality in society
.
Violence
happens due to
several reasons, the foremost reason it happens is that there is a dispute or conflict among several individuals. The factor of the disagreement could be about money, love affair
, opinion, race, and so on. Fix the agreement mistake
affairs
In addition
, the bad environment of the youth in the current condition has also
been a factor and it plays a significant role in increasing criminality among children. For example
, some kids become a thief and conduct bullying to their friends because all of their friends also
doing it. If they refuse to do the same thing, they would be labelled as "not friends" or even discriminated against them
.
In order to reduce physical abuse in Correct pronoun usage
apply
society
government should provide some solutions and deterrent effects to solve the problem. The solution that I suggest is making socialisation through moral education in schools and society
. This
can be done by equipping the teacher with more knowledge and transferring it to the students. Other than that, governors could also
order their subordinates to go hand in hand to prevent the abuse from happening. The other program that can be done is to protect the victim and give more severe punishment to the perpetrators so that they will not dare to do the violence
again.
In conclusion, some people believe that the amount of violence
shown on TV and cinema influences the young generation and therefore
it makes the violence
number rise significantly. However
, I totally disagree with that opinion. There are several factors that could be the roots of this
violence
. The solution to the problem is to make a
socialisation and Remove the article
apply
give
preventive actions.Verb problem
take
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Task Achievement
Ensure all parts of the task are addressed. While you have argued against the idea that media violence is the cause of societal violence, the second part concerning solutions to reduce actual violence needs to be explored more fully.
Task Achievement
Include clear and distinct main ideas in each paragraph, followed by development of those ideas with examples or explanations. More focus on connecting these ideas to the question would be beneficial. Additionally, make sure to proofread your essay to correct typos and ensure the use of proper terms (e.g., 'violence' instead of 'violance').
Coherence and Cohesion
Logical structuring of your essay is required, ensuring clear progression of ideas with appropriate use of paragraphs. The essay could benefit from improved topic sentences and better transitions between points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay must include both an introduction and a conclusion. Each should clearly fulfill their purpose, with the introduction setting up the debate and the conclusion summarizing your argument and perspective.
Coherence and Cohesion
Back your main points with relevant supporting examples or explanations. The current essay lacks detail and specific examples to sufficiently support its claims.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.