Some people believe that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people's lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in-spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Some individuals advocate that the happiest time in
people
's lifespan should be their teenage years; however
, others believe that adults
would enjoy more then
youngsters, despite expanded responsibilities related to adult Replace the word
than
life
. This
essay will explain the
both sidesRemove the article
apply
,
and advocate that Remove the comma
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
adults
Change to a genitive case
adult's
adults'
life
may bring happines
Correct your spelling
happiness
,
since it provides more awareness and independence to Remove the comma
apply
mankinds
.
Correct your spelling
mankind
People
, who believe that children
's life
more enjoyable than adults
,
highlight that youngsters Remove the comma
apply
have
not mundane tasks related to work Add a missing verb
do have
life
, and they do not have to affort
their costs of living. Correct your spelling
afford
effort
Firstly
, children
do not have to manage a project,
or operate a surgery like Remove the comma
apply
adults
, who have to perform a job in order to earn money. In other words
, they do not need to work to pay their rent, since they are children
. Their remarkable responsibilites
are doing their homework, Correct your spelling
responsibilities
studying
Correct word choice
and studying
for passing
their exam. Change preposition
to pass
As a result
, they can find time for entertainment, or pursuing their hobbies. Moreover
, being isolated from the pressure of earning money to survive should be accepted the
main factor Change preposition
as the
that is
why people
think their happiest memories belong their
childhood.
Change preposition
to their
On the other hand
, the others support the idea that humans happier
in their adult Add a missing verb
are happier
life
compared to childhood. They promote this
argument with the importance of freedom. Although
,
being a worker may bring various challenges, like deadlines for a presentation, or financial strain for maintaining Remove the comma
apply
life
, people
may decide on
more freely, when they Change preposition
apply
grew
up. It is completely understandable, Wrong verb form
grow
the
Correct word choice
that the
diffuculties
in growing up and having a job may be challenging, and sometimes may lead to anxiety for Correct your spelling
difficulties
emplooyes
, but as Correct your spelling
employees
employers
people
gain experiments
in business, they will be able to manage the problems. Correct your spelling
experience
Hence
, they turn into independent adults
, which is admitted a key factor for geniuos
happiness by some.
Correct your spelling
genuine
Finally
, I, personally, believe in
Change preposition
that
adults
are likely
to enjoy more than Correct quantifier usage
more likely
children
. One of the causes is the sense of freedom,
when Remove the comma
apply
people
grew
up, they can decide on their Wrong verb form
grow
life
irrespective of their parent's ambitions. In this
way, humanking
may feel more satisfied, since they can do what they want. Correct your spelling
humankind
Secondly
, having their own budget make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
people
more powerful, and they can shape their life
without asking Fix the agreement mistake
lives
or
anyone. Correct word choice
apply
In contrast
to a child, an adult does not need to be allowed.
To conclude
, some men and women believe that teenagers are happier than aduts
, Correct your spelling
adults
due to
the lack of responsibilites
, meanwhile, Correct your spelling
responsibilities
responsibility
the
others advocate the opposite ideaCorrect article usage
apply
,
and suggest the sense of freedom should be accepted as a key factor for real happiness. In my experience, being able to do whatever we want, and being capable of earning our salary would bring Remove the comma
apply
happines
to us, with that perspective Correct your spelling
happiness
adults
are likely to feel more overjoyed and satisfied than adolescants
.Correct your spelling
adolescents
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task achievement
It is essential to address all parts of the task to ensure a high task achievement score. Maintain a balanced approach to discussing both views, and be sure to consistently provide your opinion throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion.
task achievement
You should work on the clarity and comprehension of your ideas. Aim for clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph, and ensure that subsequent sentences directly support those topics. Avoid overcomplicating your argument or packing too many ideas into one sentence, which can lower the overall clarity.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to illustrate your arguments. It can greatly strengthen your essay if you include examples that are pertinent and effectively back up your main points. As they stand, your examples are somewhat general; strive for more detailed illustrations in your text.
coherence cohesion
A well-organized essay features a logical structure that guides the reader through your arguments efficiently. Your essay generally achieves this but can benefit from clearer transitions and better paragraphing to help consolidate the structure further and make it seamless.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion should frame your essay effectively. Make sure your introduction clearly presents the essay topic and outlines the views you will discuss, and ensure your conclusion provides a succinct and coherent summary of the discussion and your perspective. In your case, both are present but can still be sharpened.
coherence cohesion
Main points in your argument should be well-supported by evidence and examples. You have the basic structure in place in your essay, but occasionally, the support feels a bit general or repetitive. Look to diversify your supporting details and deepen the explanation of your points to enhance your essay's argumentative punch.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?