The relatively recent development of games on phones, computers, and TV consoles is extremely popular with people all over the world. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such electronic games?

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These days, technology has been developing, so playing electronic
games
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that are run by phones, computers, and TV consoles is becoming really common among global inhabitants.
This
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essay discusses the pros and cons of video
games
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for human entertainment, learning, lifestyle quality, and manners. On the one hand, the benefits of playing video
games
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are so varied.
Firstly
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, when populations play them as a pastime, they do not need partners who are near them to play. In fact, they can play with individuals who live in other countries by using the Internet;
as a result
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, they improve international communities and aid globalization.
Secondly
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, some of them teach populations how they are able to solve their problems inasmuch as some of them are based on improving cognitive functions.
For example
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, playing mathematics
games
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is the best way to teach children to learn math.
On the other hand
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, These
games
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have several demerits on people. The fact
that is
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really crucial is that when they spend most of their leisure time on them, they become obese.
In other words
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, these activities lead people to sedentary lifestyles and increase their weight which is the main factor of some illnesses,
such
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as heart attack.
In addition
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, they impact people's social behaviour because they spend most of their time playing and do not have sufficient time to spend with not only family members but
also
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friends. To summarise, electronic
games
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are the best option for entertainment and interaction with international citizens and teach the community how they have to react when they have matters.
However
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, they have an adverse influence on humans' physical health and face-to-face interactions.
To conclude
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, the drawbacks cannot eclipse the merits.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and outlines the main points to be discussed, which is great. However, consider providing a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses the advantages and disadvantages more explicitly. This will enhance clarity for the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with distinct paragraphs for each main point. However, ensure that all points presented are equally developed. The second point mentions social impact but could benefit from specific examples and evidence to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more fluidly. For instance, using transition words or phrases at the beginning of paragraphs (e.g., 'Additionally,' 'Moreover,' or 'Conversely') can help guide the reader through your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Some sentences are quite complex and may be difficult for readers to follow. Aim for simplicity and clarity in your language to convey your ideas more effectively. This will improve the overall readability of your essay.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of electronic games, fulfilling the task requirements appropriately.
Task Achievement
You provide some insightful points about the cognitive benefits and social consequences of video games, which show critical thinking.

Your opinion

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive functions
  • problem-solving skills
  • spatial awareness
  • multitasking
  • addiction
  • attention span
  • online multiplayer games
  • teamwork
  • communication skills
  • social isolation
  • economic impact
  • revenue
  • financial strain
  • stress relief
  • eye strain
  • poor posture
  • sedentary lifestyle
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