Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people

Most food and drink companies manufacture foods and drinks including extended sugar, which may lead to crucial health issues.

For

this

reason,

this

essay will disagree with the statement that these products shouldn’t be cheap to discourage people from easily buying.

Firstly

, if sugary foods aren’t easy to purchase, they become more attractive to human beings. People, especially children, would be more curious to consume

this

kind of junk

foods

Fix the agreement mistake

food

show examples

therefore

, wouldn’t be beneficial to decrease their consumption.

For instance

, cigarettes are more expensive than every person could use regularly,

although

, it is not preventing

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

users

to buy

Change preposition

from buying

show examples

. Because it has addictive ingredients.

Secondly

, not preferring to consume would be up to the person. If a teenager would make several attempts to try something, whether it costs too much or less, she could find that money

at the end

of the day. So

then

, it should be free to choose either way.

Additionally

, it has been shown in research that when a parent punishes the child for what she did, it won’t have long-term effects avoiding

to do

Change the verb form

doing

show examples

the same thing again,

on the other hand

, it is found that explaining the wrong thing by speaking is more effective.

To conclude

, lots of fast food consists of sugary ingredients inside, and

this

is one of the main reasons why serious problems occur in health. These food and drinks shouldn’t be unreachable, because it won’t be preventive for humans and everyone should be aware of what they would like to do with free will.

Submitted by busrasenturk1 on Sun Jan 14 2024

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introduction conclusion present

The essay lacks a clear thesis statement, which should be the primary focus of the introduction. You should clearly state your position on whether you agree or disagree with the statement in the prompt.

logical structure

Some of the paragraphs are underdeveloped and lack clear topic sentences. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea, which is then explained and supported with relevant examples.

coherence cohesion

Transition words and phrases are used, but they do not always create a fluid and logical sequence. Work on sentence linkage and paragraph transitions to enhance the logical flow of ideas.

complete response

The essay only partially addresses the task by disagreeing with the statement but provides insufficient development and justification for its points. For a higher score, you should expand on your ideas, explain them fully, and present a balanced view by also discussing the opposite perspective.

clear comprehensive ideas

You need to refine your argument and present it more comprehensively. Include more targeted examples to strengthen your points. Rather than making general statements, you should explore the ideas more deeply to construct a compelling argument.

relevant specific examples

Your real-world examples are slightly relevant but not fully convincing. Use specific, detailed examples to back up your argument and make it more persuasive and coherent.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

254 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

health problems
manufactured food and drink products
sugary products
excessive sugar consumption
discourage
promote
healthier choices
reduce
increased taxes
fund
health education
prevention programs

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Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Your opinion

Some people believe that it is a good idea to continue to work at their old age. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The shortage of housing in big cities can cause severe consequences. Only governments actions can solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Meat Production requires relatively more lands than crop production. Some people think as land is becoming scare, the world’s meat consumption should be reduced. What measures could be taken to reduce world’s meat consumption? What kind of problem such measures caused?

Some people say history is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like science and technology are more important the history. Discuss both those views and give your own opinion.