Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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Most food and drink companies manufacture foods and drinks including extended sugar, which may lead to crucial health issues.

For

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this

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reason,

this

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essay will disagree with the statement that these products shouldn’t be cheap to discourage people from easily buying.

Firstly

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, if sugary foods aren’t easy to purchase, they become more attractive to human beings. People, especially children, would be more curious to consume

this

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kind of junk

foods

Fix the agreement mistake

food

show examples

therefore

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, wouldn’t be beneficial to decrease their consumption.

For instance

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, cigarettes are more expensive than every person could use regularly,

although

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, it is not preventing

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

users

to buy

Change preposition

from buying

show examples

. Because it has addictive ingredients.

Secondly

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, not preferring to consume would be up to the person. If a teenager would make several attempts to try something, whether it costs too much or less, she could find that money

at the end

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of the day. So

then

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, it should be free to choose either way.

Additionally

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, it has been shown in research that when a parent punishes the child for what she did, it won’t have long-term effects avoiding

to do

Change the verb form

doing

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the same thing again,

on the other hand

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, it is found that explaining the wrong thing by speaking is more effective.

To conclude

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, lots of fast food consists of sugary ingredients inside, and

this

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is one of the main reasons why serious problems occur in health. These food and drinks shouldn’t be unreachable, because it won’t be preventive for humans and everyone should be aware of what they would like to do with free will.

busrasenturk1Sun Jan 14 2024

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introduction conclusion present

The essay lacks a clear thesis statement, which should be the primary focus of the introduction. You should clearly state your position on whether you agree or disagree with the statement in the prompt.

logical structure

Some of the paragraphs are underdeveloped and lack clear topic sentences. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea, which is then explained and supported with relevant examples.

coherence cohesion

Transition words and phrases are used, but they do not always create a fluid and logical sequence. Work on sentence linkage and paragraph transitions to enhance the logical flow of ideas.

complete response

The essay only partially addresses the task by disagreeing with the statement but provides insufficient development and justification for its points. For a higher score, you should expand on your ideas, explain them fully, and present a balanced view by also discussing the opposite perspective.

clear comprehensive ideas

You need to refine your argument and present it more comprehensively. Include more targeted examples to strengthen your points. Rather than making general statements, you should explore the ideas more deeply to construct a compelling argument.

relevant specific examples

Your real-world examples are slightly relevant but not fully convincing. Use specific, detailed examples to back up your argument and make it more persuasive and coherent.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

254 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

health problems
manufactured food and drink products
sugary products
excessive sugar consumption
discourage
promote
healthier choices
reduce
increased taxes
fund
health education
prevention programs

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Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Your opinion

The government should close companies that produce toxic waste materials without their own waste treatment facility in order to protect the envirnonment. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

In many countries, more and more people choose to buy imported food rather than food produced locally . Why people buy imported food ? What could be done to encourage people to buy local food?

Some people believe today that everyone has a right to access to the Internet and that governments should provide this access for free. Other people believe that access to the internet is not a right and should be paid for like other services. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Should the use of animals in circuses be banned?do you agree or disagree