IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages fir young people who decide to do this.

#countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies #fir
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Youngsters
are provoke
Change the verb form
are provoked
are provoking
show examples
 to do some job to get experience but some people believe that they should travel and enjoy their spare
time
Use synonyms
 before
further
Linking Words
 studies. I will describe some pros
as well as
Linking Words
 challenges
face
Wrong verb form
faced
show examples
 by young adults. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, it is true that it is beneficial for students to get social exposure by doing any sort of work.
For instance
Linking Words
, if
one
Use synonyms
 begins their internship at an art gallery to establish skills to become a great artist in the future
then
Linking Words
 it would definitely
a
Add a missing verb
be a
show examples
wonderful experience for
one
Use synonyms
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, taking a break for
one
Use synonyms
 year gives
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 enough
time
Use synonyms
 to actually think about their career choice and travelling as well. Many people think that young ones will get some acknowledgement through various positions of employment,
such
Linking Words
 as boost their hidden talents and it can
also
Linking Words
 bring them ideas of what their future aim to be. On the flip side, break sessions
while
Linking Words
 travelling are refreshing and comforting. It brings the students out from their hectic routine but excessive indulgence in spending
time
Use synonyms
 through travel and enjoyment would lead them to be less motivated and productive.
Also
Linking Words
, some of them
stuck
Add a missing verb
are stuck
show examples
 at a point with no advancement of career goals and forget their purpose in getting into university. In conclusion, a gap year is both beneficial and harmful for young people. It helps them learn more necessary skills and have the right direction for the future but it
also
Linking Words
 wastes
time
Use synonyms
 and causes them to lose motivation to study. In my view, a gap year is a good choice if the young think clearly and plan carefully before deciding to do
this
Linking Words
.
Submitted by livelygirl127 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
You should have a clear logical structure throughout your essay, ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Furthermore, it's crucial to have a strong topic sentence for each paragraph, which is followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence that summarizes the main point.
task achievement
Make sure you address all parts of the task. The essay should clearly present advantages and disadvantages relating to the prompt, with at least one clear, relevant example supporting each. The conclusion should effectively summarize your main points. Avoid including any new ideas in the conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: