IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second cahrt shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second cahrt shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie charts illustrate the Australian household
energy
Use synonyms
 usage by various appliances
as well as
Linking Words
 the
gas
Use synonyms
 emissions in the conclusion to
this
Linking Words
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption. Different proportions of many kinds of home gadgets which consume
energy
Use synonyms
 in Australian houses are mentioned in the diagram.
In addition
Linking Words
, the second figure demonstrates the chunks of greenhouse
gas
Use synonyms
 released from these devices. The heating gadgets use most of the
energy
Use synonyms
 about 42% of all other machines,
in contrast
Linking Words
,
gas
Use synonyms
 emitted from heating appliances falls in
minority
Correct article usage
the minority
show examples
.
Further
Linking Words
, cooling and lighting tools consume the least proportion of
energy
Use synonyms
 but these release more gases
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
 a result.
Moreover
Linking Words
, appliances
such
Linking Words
 as water heating consist of
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 amount almost a third in both
energy
Use synonyms
 usage and
gas
Use synonyms
 effusion. The freezers eject more
gas
Use synonyms
 as compared to
energy
Use synonyms
 which these machines utilise.
Submitted by livelygirl127 on

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, gas with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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