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Band 5.5

Some people think that studying overseas is advantageous, while others think it is disadvantageous. What's your opinion?

#people
Nowadays, the increasing number of people immigrating to other countries
for studying
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to study
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 has brought
upon
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apply
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concern
Fix the agreement mistake
concerns
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by
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to
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 many. To some
folks
Add a comma
folks,
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this
 event is rather advantageous,
while
 in
other perspective
Change the wording
another perspective
other perspectives
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, to pursue education abroad will bring more negative effects. I strongly agree with the former one, the experience of living in a foreign land will not just give benefits to yourself but
also
 to the extended part of our community. First and foremost, it is all about the new perspective we receive. The constant exposure to the unfamiliar culture will open the doors of greater possibilities ahead for us.
For instance
, countless individuals have given an exciting testament regarding their
overall
 experience, many stating that they become more independent on working tasks that never occurred to them in life before.
Although
 the best way to perceive the opportunity is the immediate benefits that it gives to us,
this
 issue will be highly appreciated and acknowledged by the nation.
Thus
, bringing even more positive impact on those
who
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whom
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 we leave behind.
As a result
 of their hard work, one might serve the country by sharing their knowledge
to
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with
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 others.
For example
, those who return home and take the responsibility to work for the government or as a lecturer . In conclusion, the numerous risks of staying in another part of the world might be scary at
first,
while
 the thought of living it to the fullest will lead us to success. In my opinion, the pros list
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 longer than the cons that concern us.
Therefore
, the event will not just be a mere regret for us, it will
also
 be extremely beneficial for our peers.
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task achievement
Ensure a clearer position throughout the essay, which is consistently maintained and supported. Expand on your points with a more varied range of structures and vocabulary.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical sequencing of information and ideas for increased coherence. Use a greater variety of linking words and phrases to guide the reader through the arguments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • transnational problems
  • climate change
  • ozone layer depletion
  • pollution
  • collaborative efforts
  • pooling of resources
  • expertise
  • technology
  • innovative solutions
  • international standards
  • race to the bottom
  • environmental standards
  • capacity
  • impacts
  • national sovereignty
  • independently
  • economic
  • social contexts
  • international consensus
  • legal
  • political systems
  • enforcement
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