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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #percentages #meals #three #nutrients #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The pie charts illustrate the consumption of typical meals’ nutrients including
sodium
Use synonyms
, saturated fat and added
sugar
Use synonyms
 which
are affected
Verb problem
apply
show examples
negatively for human consumption in the USA.
Overall
Linking Words
, United States residents tend to use
similar
Add an article
a similar
the similar
show examples
 proportion of nutrients mentioned above in their breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks.
However
Linking Words
, the consumption of
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more allocated in dinner.
First,
Linking Words
in terms of breakfast fast,
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fats are less consumed than other meals which are 19
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and 21
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 respectively,
however
Linking Words
, the usage of added
sugar
Use synonyms
 is
accounted
Replace the word
accounts
show examples
 for 42
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 which is 2 times higher than sugars in other meals.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
US citizens tend to use
snack
Fix the agreement mistake
snacks
show examples
 with less
sugar
Use synonyms
 at 16
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 which is the lowest
sugar
Use synonyms
 usage compared to
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 three meals.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the proportion of
sodium
Use synonyms
 in lunch is 29
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, which is the highest nutrient compared to
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two unhealthy substances,
however
Linking Words
, lunch is the healthiest choice for the people of
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
.
Conversely
Linking Words
, dinner is
accounted
Replace the word
accounts
show examples
 for most unhealthy food which
include
Change the verb form
includes
show examples
 43
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
sodium
Use synonyms
, 37
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of saturated fat, and 23
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of added
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by zayashdee on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, sugar, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrients
  • unhealthy
  • typical meals
  • percentages
  • saturated fats
  • fibers
  • sugars
  • impact
  • average
  • consumption
  • trends
  • breakfast
  • lunch
  • dinner
  • highest
  • lowest
  • variation
  • implications
  • balanced diet
  • recommendations
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