Governments should ban dangerous sports. Others think that people should have the freedom to do any sport activity. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
It is becoming more and more common these days for people to participate in extreme sports.
While
there are some humanity who believe that everyone should have the right to take part in such
sports, I believe that the government should ban these dangerous activities.
On one hand, many societies may argue that an outright ban on dangerous sports by the government would be an infringement upon people’s freedoms and their right to choose how to live their lives. While
some may view these kinds of exercise as being reckless fun pursued by thrill-seeking adrenaline junkies, other societies gain a lot of personal benefit and fulfilment from certain extreme play. There have even been many cases where extreme play has saved particular athletes from a wasted life of drugs and alcohol, allowing them to channel their energy into a more worthwhile pursuit. By focusing on developing themselves through performing high-risk activities, many athletes have managed to turn their lives around for the better.
However
, not only does extreme play place the participants at a high risk of serious injury, but also
innocent bystanders and impressionable young children. These days, social media platforms such
as Facebook, TikTok, and Instagram, are full of videos containing extreme business and people performing risky behaviour. These types of videos can be highly influential, particularly on young people who try to imitate the behaviour and end up injuring themselves and others. By banning extreme play, governments are helping to protect the lives of thousands of young communities around the world who put themselves at great risk of injury, hindering their chances of developing their full potential in other fields of sport, academia, or career.
In conclusion, while
some believe that everyone has the right to choose what activities they partake in, I believe it is the government’s duty to protect its citizens from harm, and consequently
, they should ban extreme business.Submitted by periset on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and consistent logical structure throughout. Connections between ideas can be improved for easier readability.
coherence cohesion
Use clear paragraphing with topic sentences that reflect the main idea of each paragraph. Linking words should be used to better connect ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a relevant introduction and conclusion which is good. However, make sure that it encapsulates all the main points presented in the essay.
task achievement
Your essay partially addressed the task, but you need to ensure that you discuss both views fully and equally before giving your own opinion.
task achievement
To score higher, your ideas should be expanded upon to be more comprehensive. The reader could benefit from a deeper exploration of both sides of the argument.
task achievement
Good job on providing specific examples, but remember to ensure that they are balanced across the different points of view presented in the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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