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Band 4

In some countries, celebrities can now earn more than senior politicians. what might be the reason for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

#countries #celebrities #politicians #reason #development
The topic that some celebrities
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 randomly get fame can earn more than 10 times and even 100 times than those who work really hard but earn a little has been
dicussed
Correct your spelling
discussed
 for years. From my point of view, l think there are two main causes for
this
 kind of phenomenon and basically it is a negative
delopment
Correct your spelling
development
. On one hand, some particular industries
such
 as advertising and media have the need to hype their products
Submitted by asllchkied on

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Introduction & Conclusion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential for establishing context and summarizing the main points. It's important to have a well-defined opening paragraph that introduces the topic and a concluding paragraph that wraps up the discussion.
Support & Development
Your main points are not sufficiently developed or supported. Each main idea should be expanded upon with explanations and examples for clarity and to enhance the persuasiveness of the argument.
Structure & Cohesion
The essay's structure lacks coherence, as ideas are not well connected or logically sequenced. You should use a range of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions, pronouns, and connecting phrases, to ensure a smooth flow of information from one sentence to another.
Task Completion
The response provided is not complete. An effective answer must cover all aspects of the prompt, including reasons why celebrities might earn more than politicians and whether this is a positive or negative development, along with justifications.
Clarity & Idea Development
The ideas presented are not comprehensive and lack clarity. Ensure that you develop your response with well-explained ideas that precisely address the essay question. Include relevant, specific examples to further substantiate your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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