IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In the past, students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunities to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this developments?

#students #university #study #country #opportunities #developments
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The increasing opportunities give more options for
students
Use synonyms
 to continue their advanced degree. In previous times, with limited choice, the majority of
students
Use synonyms
 took their university degree within their
home
Use synonyms
country
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon is very different from the current conditions where
students
Use synonyms
 prefer to
study
Use synonyms
 abroad.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of student’s preference to
study
Use synonyms
 abroad. Studying abroad provides many benefits for
students
Use synonyms
. They can learn about new cultures through interaction with global society. Those interactions allow them to transfer knowledge which could broaden their mind.
Moreover
Linking Words
, as the
education
Use synonyms
 systems in other countries are usually better than in local universities,
students
Use synonyms
 will
give them
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a better understanding of their majors.
For instance
Linking Words
, most
students
Use synonyms
 choose to continue their
education
Use synonyms
 in developed countries where they get a new perspective.
This
Linking Words
 will give them added
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
show examples
 which might not be provided if
students
Use synonyms
 continue to
study
Use synonyms
 in local universities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, studying abroad raises issues in the
home
Use synonyms
country
Use synonyms
. Most
students
Use synonyms
 will receive government scholarships to
study
Use synonyms
 abroad which could hinder the improvement of
education
Use synonyms
 systems in the
home
Use synonyms
country
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 budget allocation.
For example
Linking Words
, in Indonesia, the government allocated about 5 billion Rupiah each year to give scholarships. Some people argue that the budget should be allocated to build schools in rural-remote areas.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the increasing number of
students
Use synonyms
 who choose to
study
Use synonyms
 in other countries will enhance the inequality of learning output.
This
Linking Words
 is happened because the
students
Use synonyms
 who learning abroad usually will have a better
leaning
Correct your spelling
learning
show examples
 output.
The other
Correct article usage
Other
show examples
 problems
also
Linking Words
 arise when the
students
Use synonyms
 refuse to back to
Use synonyms
home
Correct pronoun usage
their home
show examples
country
Use synonyms
. It shows that only 70% of
students
Use synonyms
 go back
Change preposition
to Indonesia
show examples
Indonesia
Change preposition
to Indonesia
show examples
 after studying abroad.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
, the transfer
knowledge
Change preposition
of knowledge
show examples
 does not occur. In conclusion, the opportunity to
study
Use synonyms
 abroad has provided benefits for
students
Use synonyms
 because they can increase their knowledge and learn about new cultures.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
those preference
Change the determiner
that preference
those preferences
show examples
 will lead
Change preposition
to problem
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
home
Add an article
the home
show examples
country
Use synonyms
 by increasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inequality and slowing down the
education
Use synonyms
 improvement process.
Submitted by dimitriswasthika on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
While the response is generally logical, it would benefit from clearer transitions and better organization of ideas to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present but could be more impactful by directly addressing the question statement and summarizing the key points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported but should be developed further with more in-depth analysis and varied examples.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task, but there is room for providing a more comprehensive exploration of the advantages and disadvantages.
task achievement
Presented ideas are clear but lack depth. Aim to elaborate on statements to fully convey the complexity of the issue.
task achievement
The essay includes examples, yet they could be more specific and relevant to strengthen the argument. Use data or case studies for robust support.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: