IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, the have more opportunities to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

#students #university #study #country #opportunities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The increasing opportunities give more options for
students
Use synonyms
 to continue their advanced degree. In previous times, with limited choice, the majority of
students
Use synonyms
 took their university degree within their home
country
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon is very different from the current conditions where
students
Use synonyms
 prefer to study abroad.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of student’s preference to study abroad. Studying abroad provides many benefits for
students
Use synonyms
. They can learn about new cultures through interaction with the global community, fostering the transfer of knowledge and broadening their perspectives.
Moreover
Linking Words
, as the
education
Use synonyms
 systems in other countries are usually better than in local universities,
students
Use synonyms
 will have a better understanding of their majors.
For instance
Linking Words
, many
students
Use synonyms
 choose to pursue
education
Use synonyms
 in developed countries to gain fresh insights, adding value that might be lacking in local universities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the overseas
study’s
Change noun form
study
show examples
 decision raises issues in the home
country
Use synonyms
. Government scholarships often support
students
Use synonyms
 studying abroad, potentially hindering the improvement of local
education
Use synonyms
 systems
due to
Linking Words
 budget allocation. In Indonesia,
for instance
Linking Words
, the government allocates approximately 5 billion Rupiah annually for scholarships, sparking debates about redirecting these funds to build schools in remote areas.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the increasing number of
students
Use synonyms
 who choose foreign
education
Use synonyms
 may exacerbate the inequality in learning output.
This
Linking Words
 happens because the
students
Use synonyms
 who learn abroad often achieve higher academic performance. Other problems
also
Linking Words
 arise when the
students
Use synonyms
 refuse to back to their
country
Use synonyms
. In Indonesia, only 70% of
students
Use synonyms
 return after studying abroad, leading to a lack of knowledge transfer. In conclusion, the opportunity to study abroad has provided benefits for
students
Use synonyms
 because they can increase their knowledge and learn about new cultures.
In contrast
Linking Words
, that preference will lead to problems in the home
country
Use synonyms
 by increasing disparities and slowing down the
education
Use synonyms
 improvement process.
Submitted by dimitriswasthika on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a structured arrangement, starting with a general introduction, body paragraphs detailing the advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion summarizing the viewpoints. However, further expansion of ideas within paragraphs is needed for clarity and depth. Each paragraph should ideally contain one central idea followed by elaboration and example(s).
task achievement
You addressed the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad but failed to develop some parts fully. To achieve higher marks in task achievement, ensure a balance in the development of both sides of the argument. Include more specific examples to underpin your claims, and where possible, offer a more profound insight into how these advantages and disadvantages impact students and the educational system overall.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: