Most adults nowadays prefer spending their free time playing computer games. Why do they do this? Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

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These days, adults tend to spend their leisure
time
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to play
Change the verb form
playing
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computer
games
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than
Rephrase
rather than
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other activities. Actually, it is not
certainly
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certain
show examples
that as we claim,
this
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brings advantages or disadvantages for adults.
Hence
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, I will clarify both sides of
this
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issue in
this
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essay. First of all, playing computer
games
Use synonyms
still
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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some benefits
assisting
Change preposition
in assisting
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people in our lives. Almost
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games
Correct determiner usage
all games
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in the world nowadays, their subtitle
is
Correct your spelling
in
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international languages.
Hence
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, it gets attention from players around the world and
this
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makes
distance
Add an article
the distance
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between users shorter.
For instance
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, they can enjoy
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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games
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with someone that
entirely
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is entirely
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stranger, not only chatting but
also
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talking
with
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in
show examples
many
difference
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different
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languages and thanks
for
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to
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it, we can
also
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upgrade the language levels and make friends with more people
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
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world.
Besides
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, after working and studying
in
Change preposition
for
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a long day, people can remove
stressful
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stress
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and
tired
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tiredness
show examples
by playing
games
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.
However
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,
this
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should not happen regularly on a basis, if the frequency of playing
games
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cannot be controlled by the users, it will lead to some bad statuses.
First,
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the players will be attempted by
games
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and we will lack
of
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apply
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focus.
Due to
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in their minds, they just think about these and will find out some steps just to have much
time
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for playing
games
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. After that, they cannot concentrate on their studies and
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
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with a hundred of their powers and their performances
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
tend to be bad. Not only their results but
also
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their
healths
Fix the agreement mistake
health
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, because they spend all
Use synonyms
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
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on
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apply
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playing, so they do not have enough
time
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to take care of themselves. It results in a lack of nutrition and causes many sicknesses. In conclusion, every individual should manage their entertainment
time
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efficiently, because any habit can have many impacts
involving
Verb problem
apply
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good or bad that
affects
Correct subject-verb agreement
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our lives.
Submitted by vuhien4397 on

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coherence cohesion
Develop comprehensive paragraphs that each revolve around a single clear idea, ensuring that there is a logical flow from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing skillfully. Ensure that ideas are not only presented but also expanded on with explanations and examples.
task achievement
You should cover all parts of the question thoroughly. Both parts of the prompt should be addressed equally and with sufficient detail.
task achievement
When providing examples, make sure to elaborate and tie them back to the main point being made. Avoid making general statements without supporting details.
task achievement
Work on your grammatical range and accuracy. There should be fewer errors with complex structures and more variety in sentence construction.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Escapism
  • Stresses and pressures
  • Daily life
  • Social interaction
  • Communities
  • Entertainment value
  • High-quality graphics
  • Engaging storylines
  • Challenging gameplay
  • Accessibility
  • Cognitive benefits
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Hand-eye coordination
  • Addiction
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Neglect
  • Real-world responsibilities
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