Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Due to
several reasons, a considerable number of children
use their smartphones for more than one hour in
a day. In my opinion, nowadays we are facing a new phrase Change preposition
apply
that is
called “Digital Native”. In this
case, technology is an unavoidable part of our new generation’s life, which can cause several major drawbacks. Thus
, I consider it negative based on reasons that I will discuss bellow
.
Correct your spelling
below
To begin
with, this
development can make
a huge generation gap between Verb problem
create
children
and their parents
. Based on this
gap, families face a lack of mutual perception. In fact, based on this
virtual reality, youngsters feel themselves
more sophisticated and knowledgeable about a variety of issues Correct pronoun usage
apply
comparing
to elder people. Wrong verb form
compared
Thus
, it is just a matter of time
till
they lose their respect Correct word choice
before
to
their Change preposition
for
parents
and become big-headed, which is not sociably suitable. For instance
, as far as I know in all modern families, parents
are dealing with children
who do not want to accept their elders’ helpful advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
an
Correct your spelling
and
recommends
in various aspects.
Replace the word
recommendations
In addition
, this
virtual reality can keep them away from real experiences, which are extremely essential in forming children
’s personality
. Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
In other words
, children
waste such
time
on their smartphones that they can have physical activity which is important for their health and longevity, and also
meet new people which helps them to learn soft skills. For example
, if a child play
with his mobile or brows Change the verb form
plays
in
social media for a long Change preposition
on
time
, which can harm his eyes, he will never learn how roll
with the punches and deal with problems that may happen between him and his friends.
Add the particle
to roll
To sum up
, spending most of children
’s daily time
on their smartphones has some far-reaching consequences. Not only do they lose their
Change the word
the
respects
Fix the agreement mistake
respect
to
their Change preposition
of
parents
due to
a generation gab but also
, they
Correct word choice
but they
lose
the chance Rephrase
also lose
of being
in Change preposition
to be
community
and Correct article usage
the community
learning
many soft skills.Wrong verb form
learn
Submitted by Raeisinarges1995 on
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introduction conclusion present
The essay introduces and concludes the topic, however, the introduction could be more engaging by providing a clear thesis statement. The conclusion summarizes the points but it doesn't effectively restate the writer's position. The essay would benefit from a stronger thesis and a more decisive conclusion.
logical structure
The logical structure of the essay is satisfactory. However, more cohesive devices could be used to improve transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, paragraphing could be better managed to distinctly separate ideas.
supported main points
Main points are supported, but the supporting details at times are not fully developed. To improve, each point should be expanded with further explanation, evidence, or examples. The use of a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures would also help to strengthen your arguments.
complete response
While the essay addresses the topic, there are opportunities to deepen the response with more thorough exploration of the reasons why children spend hours on smartphones and the ramifications. Consider comparing the positive and negative effects more directly to present a balanced view.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are clear but some could be elaborated upon to enhance comprehensiveness. Strive for more depth in your explanations and consider all aspects of the prompt. Remember to directly address all parts of the question.
relevant specific examples
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