Although it is generally illegal, physical punishment continues in many countries. Some argue that parents should have the right to punish their children in this way. Do you agree or disagree?
The history of physical
punishment
is coming many years ago. Not only at school, at
Correct word choice
but at
home
as Add a comma
home,
parents
were bringing up, punish
them physically and mentally. Nowadays, psychologists have proved that punitive actions Wrong verb form
punishing
cause
Verb problem
have
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
effect
on Fix the agreement mistake
effects
children
’s behavior
. In Change the spelling
behaviour
this
essay, I will outline why I do agree with psychological
Add an article
the psychological
idea
and I totally disagree with punishing Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
action
on the youth.
First and foremost, Fix the agreement mistake
actions
punishment
has an awful influence on their emotion and feeling
. Punitive activity on kids can easily damage their Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
feeling
and confidence, and in the long Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
run
it will show up in adulthood with violent behavior. Add a comma
run,
In addition
, most parents
do punishment
to make their children
to be obedient, nonetheless
along with
the stubbornness displays
more Wrong verb form
displayed
on
their acting. Certainly, it goes without saying that absolutely Change preposition
in
parents
are not interested in spanking and slapping, and it’s definitely a reaction to aggressive behavior
, but They do have a wide insight Change the spelling
behaviour
to
childhood education. Change preposition
into
In addition
, it causes more distances
between Fix the agreement mistake
distance
parents
and kids.
Moreover
, children
are hit physically by punishment
, too. Physical punishment
translates into depression and dementedness, as does injured
. Replace the word
injury
This
is to say that, it harms bodies and remains for a long time such
as swelling and bruise
, Fix the agreement mistake
bruises
not to mention
in some cases, it doesn’t cure, for
instance
injured eye and lossAdd the comma(s)
instance,
a
part of Change preposition
of a
body
. Add an article
the body
Furthermore
, enduring sore
and pain for Correct your spelling
sorrow
children
is unreasonable and illogical .
To sum up
, there are variety
Correct article usage
a variety
ideas
about the Change preposition
of ideas
parents
’ cruel education with children
. despite the punitive has been one of the kids’ educations, and some have a positive view, it brings namouras
damages not only bodily, has effect mentally and emotionally, too. Correct your spelling
cameras
Thus
, the
hitting and crashing them should be totally forbidden.Correct article usage
apply
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coherence cohesion
In terms of logical structure, the essay tends to jump from one idea to another without clear transitions. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next, using appropriate linking words and cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which is positive. However, the introduction does not effectively set the stage for the argument nor does the conclusion provide a decisive closing statement. Work on crafting a strong thesis statement and a resonant concluding sentence that echoes the main points made.
coherence cohesion
While the main points related to the topic are present, they are not always clearly supported by concrete details or examples. To strengthen your essay, include specific examples or evidence that support your claims, thus demonstrating a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You have provided a response to the task, but at times, the relevance of your arguments could be better established. Be sure that every point made is directly addressing the question prompt and contributing to a coherent argument throughout the essay.
task achievement
The ideas presented in the essay could be organized more comprehensively. Make use of clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and develop each idea fully before moving on to the next point.
task achievement
Specific examples are limited in your essay, which reduces the strength of your arguments. Incorporate relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points more effectively. This can enhance the persuasiveness of your argument and demonstrate your understanding of the topic.