IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

To what extent do you agree with this statement: 'Social media has had a negative impact on society.’

#media #impact #society
As we know social
media
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 us to
connected
Change the form of the verb
connect
show examples
 with
people
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around the world, but if we
don't be
Verb problem
are not
show examples
 able to control
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
how to
use
 social
media
, it will
be made
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
a negative effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
negative effects
a negative effect
show examples
.
First,
for a child is fragile for them to get addicted and explore
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
content which is not suitable
as
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their age.
That
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
will impact
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their mind and
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
Second,
people
is
Verb problem
can
show examples
 easily
to do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
 cyber-crime through
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hate
comment
Fix the agreement mistake
comments
show examples
 as anonymous to something
that is
 not certainly true.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 some culprits have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
access to stalking
people
's social
media
account
Fix the agreement mistake
accounts
show examples
 and get more information about us and
use
 that in a wrong way which
is make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 us not secure to share a lot about ourselves
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
.
Third,
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a love relationship
context
Add a comma
context,
show examples
 it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
easier
Correct pronoun usage
it easier
show examples
someone
Change preposition
for someone
show examples
 to do cheating
behind
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
partner
Change the noun form
partners
show examples
such
 as chatting in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 application that
people
 don't think
before
Change preposition
of before
show examples
for example
 in e-commerce like Shopee, TokoPedia, and Lazada.
Furthermore
, if you want
finding
Change the verb form
to find
show examples
 a love partner
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social
media
 be careful there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 some
people
 who
use
other person photo
Change the wording
another person photo
other person photos
show examples
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
profile
Fix the agreement mistake
profiles
show examples
 just
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 cheat on you. In conclusion, we must be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wise
to
Change preposition
in using
show examples
use
 social
media
 because it could be
prejudice
Wrong verb form
prejudiced
show examples
 if we are not
concern
Wrong verb form
concerned
show examples
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 how negative social
media
 will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
impact
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our life
Submitted by syahrazade56 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents a basic structure but lacks a clear logical progression of ideas. Ideas should be more clearly organised and paragraphs need to have clear topic sentences followed by supporting details and examples.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they are not fully developed. Introductions should clearly state the candidate's opinion and conclusions should summarise the main points discussed, reinforcing the writer's view.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task somewhat, but your response must be further developed to fully satisfy the requirements. Be sure to provide a more nuanced argument with a clear opinion expressed throughout the essay.
task achievement
While your ideas are somewhat relevant, they must be expressed more comprehensively. Ensure that each main idea is introduced, developed, and concluded in a way that is clear to the reader.
task achievement
You provided certain examples that were relevant, but they weren't always clear and specific. Your examples should be clearly connected to the points being made and be tangible enough for the reader to understand your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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