Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health. Others believe that the Government should make sure that their citizens are healthy. Discuss both views.
As
people
,nowadays, have to pay taxes to the governments of their countries, they expect that taking care
of themselves is a part of the government
's commission, however
, others find that the duty of taking care
of their own health
is their own concern which nothing relates to the governments. In this
essay, I will further
discuss about
these two points of view.
On one hand, Remove the preposition
apply
citizens
have to be proactive in taking care
of their physical as well as
mental health
. For the purpose of staying healthy, they must do exercises, get enough sleep, and be provided adequate nutrients and these are the daily activities which are finished by the citizens
themselves. In addition
, people
have to properly find suitable manners of living in order to achieve a wonderful mindset and mentality by themselves. People
, for instance
, to obtain a meaningful life, they must by themselves enrol in charity, and volunteer organisations.
On the other hand
, Authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
also
have to take care
of their citizens
' health
. Financially, Governments can provide allowances for underprivileged people
or families in order to let them fit into the community and enjoy a better life. The Australian government
, for example
, provides $1,400 per fortnight for needy families and disadvantaged people
with the goal of letting them maintain normal lives like others.
To sum up
, there are various ways of maintaining citizens
' health
for both individuals and the government
, as citizens
can completely achieve it on their own or be provided allowances
from the Change preposition
with allowances
government
.Submitted by uy322415 on
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Introduction
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines your discussion. Your current introduction is effective, but refining it for clarity and conciseness can enhance your essay's impact.
Development
Expand on your ideas by providing more detailed examples and evidence. While you've included an excellent example with the Australian government, adding more depth to your arguments will strengthen your essay.
Cohesion
Pay attention to your writing's cohesion. Use a range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. While your essay shows good cohesion, further variety in these can improve readability and flow.
Balance
Provided a balanced discussion of both viewpoints on the responsibility for health.
Evidence
Included a specific example (the Australian government's support for needy families) to support your argument.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes both views and presents a clear stance, which is excellent practice.
Structure
The structure of your essay is logical, with clear paragraphs for each main idea.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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