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Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages

#rise #media #relationships #society #communication
The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages? Undeniably, social networking has impacted people’s lives in many ways. The writer believes that
this
 can perfectly facilitate
the
Correct article usage
apply
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communication in the new era when
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 need to be informed faster,
although
 there are some drawbacks
such
 as… Facebook, Instagram,
or
Correct word choice
and
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 even Twitter together offer
users
virtual
Add an article
a virtual
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 way of conversation replacing the old face-to-face one. These are the most common social media platforms among schools, cities, and
Correct article usage
the publics
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publics
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public
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 that connect everyone under the internet connection.
Thus
,
users
 can communicate with each other or a large group by several methods like free instant messages, and phone calls with
Face-time
Correct your spelling
Facetime
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 or not. The best merit
users
 get is that they do not have to move to meet people directly,
instead
, they can just be at home and contact
to
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apply
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everybody indirectly as above-mentioned.
This
 can greatly save
users
 a large amount of time and money for transport when doing the same thing
such
 as discussing a problem or planning a vacation.
However
, there are always some demerits that annoy people
since
Correct word choice
when
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 they get involved in social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
. To be more specific,
users
 easily become too reliant on it, or even addicted, as it can faster their process of

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task achievement
The essay lacks a clear introduction that directly addresses the question; it does not explicitly state if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Consider clearly stating your position in the introduction.
task achievement
The essay is incomplete, lacking a proper conclusion. Every essay should have a clear conclusion that summarises the points made and restates the writer's position. Ensure the essay is complete and adequately conclude your discussion.
task achievement
The essay only briefly touches on the disadvantages of social media, and the discussion is not developed. Include more detailed analysis of both the advantages and disadvantages to provide a balanced argument.
coherence cohesion
Ideas seem to be presented randomly without a clear logical structure. Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea supported by examples or explanations.
coherence cohesion
Transitional phrases and linking words could be used more effectively to create a smooth flow between sentences and ideas. Practice using a variety of cohesive devices to enhance the essay's readability.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • global connectivity
  • networking opportunities
  • real-time information
  • community building
  • marketing opportunities
  • self-expression
  • educational content
  • privacy concerns
  • data security
  • misinformation
  • fake news
  • cyberbullying
  • interpersonal skills
  • distraction
  • productivity
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