Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should not be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #lives #celebrities #media

The

privacy

of the influencer or famous

people

is not a public consumption for some

people

However

, it has been debated whether the media think that the private

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

of celebrities are interesting. In my opinion, I agree that every human

deserve

Change the verb form

deserves

show examples

to have

privacy

regardless of their public status. First of all,

privacy

Correct your spelling

show examples

a basic human right that

need

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needs

show examples

to be protected and respected. Celebrities

also

need their private space

for enjoying

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to enjoy

show examples

their

life

like normal

people

. As we can see, most

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apply

show examples

celebrities decide to hide the identity and the face of their children to protect them from paparazzi that can spread their child's personal data.

For example

, if the

photo's

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photos

show examples

of their kids

leaks

Correct subject-verb agreement

leak

show examples

to the internet, it will be easy to make them

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apply

show examples

the target of crimes.

Consequently

, it is better

for protecting

Change preposition

to protect

show examples

their private

life

to secure their family.

Second,

mental

health

becomes another serious issue

due to

the

privacy

of famous

people

. Constant media scrutiny can have destructive effects on their mental

health

Besides

leading them to stress, becoming public

interests

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interest

show examples

can affect their anxiety level.

For instance

, some

celebrity

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celebrities

show examples

prefer not to post any

feed

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feeds

show examples

about their private

life

and avoid

to read

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reading

show examples

comments on their social

media's

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media

show examples

feed

Fix the agreement mistake

feeds

show examples

Furthermore

, they are afraid to read

harras

Correct your spelling

harsh

show examples

comments about them.

This

shows that

privacy

invasion

lead

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leads

show examples

to some detrimental effects on their mental

health

To Sum up

, I totally agree that every human in

this

world

deserve

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deserves

show examples

some protection in their private

life

. Especially, famous

people

that become public persona. Not only because

privacy

is a basic human right, but

also

protecting

Correct word choice

because protecting

show examples

privacy

means preserving their mental

health

Submitted by Hahahihi on Mon Jan 15 2024

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task achievement

Make sure to provide a clear stance throughout your essay. While your essay presented a consistent opinion about the importance of privacy for celebrities, some parts could be more directly linked to the question prompt. Remember to directly address the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement.

coherence cohesion

Work on the logical flow of your ideas. You might consider improving transitions between your main points and ensure that your argumentation is clear and follows a more natural progression. Consider the use of topic sentences and make sure each main body paragraph maintains a clear focus.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

276 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Invasion of privacy
Media scrutiny
Public persona
Personal autonomy
Sensationalism
Paparazzi
Tabloid journalism
Right to privacy
Mental well-being
Public interest
Ethical journalism
Celebrity culture
Gossip columns

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Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should not be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

over population of urban areas has lead to numerous problems. identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that government and individuals tackle these problems.

In today’s world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantage of owing a smartphone outweigh the disadvantage?

The government is spending a lot of money to discover life on alien planets. Some people think that the government is wasting money and should spend money addressing the problems of the public. To what extent do you agree?

Due to the rapid development and expansion of supermarkets in some countries many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local businesses will bring about the death of local communities.