Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should not be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The
privacy
of the influencer or famous people
is not a public consumption for some people
. However
, it has been debated whether the media think that the private life
of celebrities are interesting. In my opinion, I agree that every human Fix the agreement mistake
lives
deserve
to have Change the verb form
deserves
privacy
regardless of their public status.
First of all, privacy
as
a basic human right that Correct your spelling
is
need
to be protected and respected. Celebrities Change the verb form
needs
also
need their private space for enjoying
their Change preposition
to enjoy
life
like normal people
. As we can see, most of
celebrities decide to hide the identity and the face of their children to protect them from paparazzi that can spread their child's personal data. Change preposition
apply
For example
, if the photo's
of their kids Change noun form
photos
leaks
to the internet, it will be easy to make them Correct subject-verb agreement
leak
as
the target of crimes. Change preposition
apply
Consequently
, it is better for protecting
their private Change preposition
to protect
life
to secure their family.
Second,
mental health
becomes another serious issue due to
the privacy
of famous people
. Constant media scrutiny can have destructive effects on their mental health
. Besides
leading them to stress, becoming public interests
can affect their anxiety level. Fix the agreement mistake
interest
For instance
, some celebrity
prefer not to post any Fix the agreement mistake
celebrities
feed
about their private Fix the agreement mistake
feeds
life
and avoid to read
comments on their social Change the verb form
reading
media's
Change noun form
media
feed
. Fix the agreement mistake
feeds
Furthermore
, they are afraid to read harras
comments about them. Correct your spelling
harsh
This
shows that privacy
invasion lead
to some detrimental effects on their mental Change the verb form
leads
health
.
To Sum up
, I totally agree that every human in this
world deserve
some protection in their private Change the verb form
deserves
life
. Especially, famous people
that become public persona. Not only because privacy
is a basic human right, but also
protecting
Correct word choice
because protecting
privacy
means preserving their mental health
.Submitted by Hahahihi on
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task achievement
Make sure to provide a clear stance throughout your essay. While your essay presented a consistent opinion about the importance of privacy for celebrities, some parts could be more directly linked to the question prompt. Remember to directly address the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your ideas. You might consider improving transitions between your main points and ensure that your argumentation is clear and follows a more natural progression. Consider the use of topic sentences and make sure each main body paragraph maintains a clear focus.