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Writing Samples
Band 5

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communicaton outweigh the disadvantage?

#rise #media #relationships #society #communicaton
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In the modern era, social
media
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's development has many influences on the personal relationships between
people
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 and
people
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. The writer believes that the advantages of social
media
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, including global contact and educational sites through many websites, will surpass the drawbacks of
this
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 norm. On the one hand,
people
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 can globally connect with their relatives or friends without worrying about the distance. Indeed,
due to
Linking Words
 the significant development of technology, particularly the Internet, there are a variety of apps that have been invented which are very useful and simple for citizens.
For instance
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, Facebook
,
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apply
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consists of 2,4 billion users who can choose a variety of ways to communicate with their friend or their families.
As a result
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, using social
media
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 provides
people
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a
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with a
show examples
useful and convenient environment, especially for individuals living at far distances to connect with others. Another benefit is that students can study through many social networking websites. Duolingo is a prime example, where students learn a foreign language by themselves with some experts and they can get some extra homework to practice after every lesson.
Moreover
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, there are a lot of learning groups in some apps
such
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 as Facebook or Zalo, which are free for everybody to access to these online classes.
Therefore
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, students can get knowledge to fill the gap in their brain more easily, and
also
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 they can have some enhanced material, which will help them achieve their goals far more easily. In terms of education, there is no doubt that social
media
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 provides
people
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 with an environment to study more effectively.
However
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, some critics argue that these social apps replace face-to-face communication. Nowadays, society is becoming dominant,appealing and attractive to citizens, which is getting ahead to become the best place for
people
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 to have a word with others.
Furthermore
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, social
media
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 is
also
Linking Words
 a toxic environment, which is very harmful for young
people
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, especially children. Because there are a few rules, so
people
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 always break these rules to entertain
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apply
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them
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apply
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such
Linking Words
 as
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by giving
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giving
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by giving
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 others criticism.
In other words
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,
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 prefer living
in
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 virtual life, so it will make them become more aggressive and anti-social. In conclusion, using social
media
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 brings citizens some negative effects.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 I believe that the benefits of
this
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 norm will undermine the drawbacks of
this
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 phenomenon.
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task achievement
Ensure the essay directly addresses the prompt by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of social media, and provide a clear opinion on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by creating a more logical flow of ideas, using appropriate linking words, and maintaining paragraph themes without introducing unrelated topics.
task achievement
Support main points with relevant, specific examples. General statements should be minimized, and the argument should be enhanced with clear, concrete examples.
coherence cohesion
Review and correct grammatical errors and awkward constructions to ensure clarity and precision in communication.
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