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Band 4

the family values are deteriorating ,what are the positive and negative changes? what is your opinion

#values #changes
The
values
 of the family are been carried out for centuries from
generations
Fix the agreement mistake
generation
show examples
 to
generations
Fix the agreement mistake
generation
show examples
 and these
values
 have originated from the ancient ancestral time period.
However
, these
values
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own pros and cons and have taken a toll in
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 generation. In
this
 essay, I will provide reasons for both
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
show examples
 and demerits of following the
values
 of the family. In
olden
Correct article usage
the olden
show examples
 days,
dowry
 was one of the main customs followed in a family. The weightage of the
dowry
 determines the status and value of a family in ancient days. women were treated
according to
 the customs of the
dowry
.
For instance
, there was
article
Add an article
an article
show examples
 in the newspaper which was published one year ago stating the woman
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 been physically abused by the groom's family demanding for
dowry
.
Secondly
, back in the
Fix the agreement mistake
day
show examples
days
Add a comma
days,
show examples
 the education system was limited for female children. It was a custom that was followed by the old generations enhancing
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system is applicable to men alone and women should be
housebond
Correct your spelling
housebound
house bond
 trained to do household chores.
Consequently
Add a comma
Consequently,
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
female discrimination
outwieghed
Correct your spelling
outweighed
 any other customs.
Neverthless
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
, the cons of not following family
values
 in
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 generation is declining the
qality
Correct your spelling
quality
 of life. In
this
mirdern
Correct your spelling
modern
 era with flourishing technologies people tend to fall
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 various
trap
Fix the agreement mistake
traps
show examples
. back in the day marriages
take
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
 place through families and friends.
However
, with
varoius
Correct your spelling
various
 online dating apps and social media, a huge number of people are being scammed and
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 their life
furthermore
, affecting the family name. In conclusion, following the
values
 of the family has its own merits and demerits.
Although
 women have gained empowerment and freedom,it
also
 led to
Correct article usage
the distruction
show examples
distruction
Correct your spelling
destruction
 of their own
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by smrithi.joseph25 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical progression of ideas by using clear paragraphing and a variety of linking words.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion must restate the task and summarize the main points effectively, providing a clear position.
coherence cohesion
Develop main points with specific examples and explanations. Avoid general statements and provide clear support for arguments.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task, making sure to give a balanced consideration of both sides before providing your own opinion.
task achievement
Present ideas comprehensively by exploring both the positive and negative aspects of the statement in the question, ensuring your opinion is clear.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to support the arguments made. Avoid anecdotes that are not directly linked to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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