IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is better for college students to live in schools than live at home with their parents. Do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that living on campus is preferable to living at home since it provides
students
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 with valuable experiences and independence. Others argue that staying with
parents
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 offers more benefits for
students
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 to secure academic success. In
this
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 essay, I will explore both viewpoints and explain my perspective toward partial agreement
..
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.
...
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 On the one hand, participating in dormitory life at university could give
students
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 a chance to experience a new life where they have to do many things independently and make their own decisions in different situations. They
also
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 have more opportunities to meet new friends.
For example
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, my sister-cousin chose to live in school when she was 18 years old. Previously, she was an introverted person. After moving to another living environment, it became a necessary part of helping my sister to undergo precious changes in her personality, becoming more friendly and humorous.
On the other hand
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, residing at home with their
parents
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 could encourage them to concentrate more on their studies and work, as they have their
parents
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 taking care of almost everything in daily life for them.
Moreover
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, living with
parents
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 can help them feel more blessed, as all family members can stay together.
For example
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, I lived far away from my family two years ago. Sometimes, I still feel homesick, and there are some special occasions for my family that I could not be present for. In conclusion,
while
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 residing in college may bring
students
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 vital experience and assist them in
practicing
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practising
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 their independent lives, there are still some other benefits and support offered by
parents
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 that need to be considered.
Hence
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, I partially agree with
this
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 statement.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction more explicitly states your thesis and that your conclusion clearly summarizes your main points without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Remember to provide clear transitions between your points and paragraphs to maintain the flow of your argument.
task achievement
Keep a focus on directly answering the prompt throughout the essay to ensure a high level of task response.
task achievement
Although examples were provided, aim to integrate a wider range of relevant, specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
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