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Writing Samples
Band 5

These days, many people rely on traditional medicines. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #medicines #development
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These days, a considerable number of
people
Use synonyms
 rely on alternative
medicines
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of getting help from doctors. In my opinion,
this
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 is a negative development that can lead to unknown side effects and a waste of
money
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. One serious problem that can arise from alternative
medicines
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 is that they can lead to unknown side effects.
In other words
Linking Words
, traditional
medicines
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 have not been tested scientifically, and
people
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 use them because of the recommendations of the
old
Fix the agreement mistake
older
show examples
 generation.
Therefore
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, sometimes, when
people
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 rely on them, their illnesses will become worse than before.
For example
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, in most Arabic countries,
people
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 consume honey every day in order to reduce their sugar level in the body because many
people
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 claim that it is natural and can treat diabetes.
However
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,
according to
Linking Words
 medical research, honey can increase the sugar level in the blood. If diabetes patients continue taking honey without the help of modern
medicines
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, they will suffer from many other serious health issues that can cause death. Another issue is that traditional medicine can sometimes be costly.
That is
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 to say, some alternative
medicines
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 cannot be found easily, and because of that, some
people
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 sell them at a higher price.
For example
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, in China,
porcupines’
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porcupines
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 quills are widely used as a traditional medicine to cure cancer;
however
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, it is not easy to get these animals, so their price can be high and some
people
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 cannot afford them.
Moreover
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, some
people
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 spend a huge amount of
money
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 without getting their results. If they invest their
money
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 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proper medical treatment given by a consultant, they have a high possibility of curing their problems without spending a lot of
money
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.  
To sum up
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,
although
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 traditional
medicines
Use synonyms
 have become popular these days, they have brought about too many problems to be considered a positive trend.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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task achievement
The introduction should clearly paraphrase the essay prompt and present a clear opinion or thesis statement.
task achievement
The body paragraphs must each contain a main idea, supporting details, and a concluding sentence that relates back to the thesis.
task achievement
Extend and support your main points with specific examples or data where appropriate.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that there is a logical flow of ideas throughout the essay, with clear progression from the introduction to conclusion
coherence cohesion
Use a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and across paragraphs
coherence cohesion
Include a clear conclusion that summarises the main points of the essay and restates your position

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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