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Writing Samples
Band 5

These days, many people rely on traditional medicines. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #medicines #development
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These days, a considerable number of
people
 rely on alternative
medicines
instead
 of getting help from doctors. In my opinion,
this
 is a negative development that can lead to unknown side effects and a waste of
money
. One serious problem that can arise from alternative
medicines
 is that they can lead to unknown side effects.
In other words
, traditional
medicines
 have not been tested scientifically, and
people
 use them because of the recommendations of the
old
Fix the agreement mistake
older
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 generation.
Therefore
, sometimes, when
people
 rely on them, their illnesses will become worse than before.
For example
, in most Arabic countries,
people
 consume honey every day in order to reduce their sugar level in the body because many
people
 claim that it is natural and can treat diabetes.
However
,
according to
 medical research, honey can increase the sugar level in the blood. If diabetes patients continue taking honey without the help of modern
medicines
, they will suffer from many other serious health issues that can cause death. Another issue is that traditional medicine can sometimes be costly.
That is
 to say, some alternative
medicines
 cannot be found easily, and because of that, some
people
 sell them at a higher price.
For example
, in China,
porcupines’
Change noun form
porcupines
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 quills are widely used as a traditional medicine to cure cancer;
however
, it is not easy to get these animals, so their price can be high and some
people
 cannot afford them.
Moreover
, some
people
 spend a huge amount of
money
 without getting their results. If they invest their
money
 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proper medical treatment given by a consultant, they have a high possibility of curing their problems without spending a lot of
money
.  
To sum up
,
although
 traditional
medicines
 have become popular these days, they have brought about too many problems to be considered a positive trend.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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task achievement
The introduction should clearly paraphrase the essay prompt and present a clear opinion or thesis statement.
task achievement
The body paragraphs must each contain a main idea, supporting details, and a concluding sentence that relates back to the thesis.
task achievement
Extend and support your main points with specific examples or data where appropriate.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that there is a logical flow of ideas throughout the essay, with clear progression from the introduction to conclusion
coherence cohesion
Use a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and across paragraphs
coherence cohesion
Include a clear conclusion that summarises the main points of the essay and restates your position

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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