IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people say that you can learn more about another country by watching television programmes and films about it than by actually visiting it. How true is this statement? Is there anything you can learn about another country by visiting it that you cannot learn by watching programmes and films about it? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own experience.

#people #country #television #programmes #films #answers
Many individuals believe that in order to know more about another nation ,humans need to watch TV and movie shows on it.
This
 provides greater value than travelling in person. In my opinion, I disagree that there are many things that tourists gain when going directly. On the one hand, cultural values from another nation did bring significant value to watchers.
First,
some staff with low-paid jobs often find it hard to visit a destination and can learn more about it like cultures,
locals
Correct word choice
and locals
show examples
 through spending time looking at the screen in their spare time.
Second,
with many nations which are farther
than
Rephrase
away than
show examples
 their country, they still know about the common lifestyle and how the local
people
 make a living.
On the other hand
, there are few
people
 who travel for new experiences.
First,
when they spend time and money discovering a new land with many interesting things, they learn more about new cultures,
interact
Correct word choice
and interact
show examples
 with local
people
 here. Those help them grow and sightseeing like they know how to take care of themselves after a trip to a foreign country.
In addition
, thanks to trips , they can interact with communicate and learn more knowledge about the country.
Second,
they feel when tasting dishes and drinks are from seeing on the TV screen . In conclusion, learn more about another nation by looking at the TV shows or films which are beneficial for many
people
 but who have no experience with directive trips.
Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the task only partially; the response needs to be developed further with more emphasis on the comparison between learning from television programs and actual visits.
coherence cohesion
There are issues with coherence and cohesion; the argument is not always clear and paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences and more logical development of ideas.
task achievement
The usage of specific examples is limited and does not effectively illustrate the points being made; include more detailed and relevant examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Avoid grammatical errors and incomplete sentences, as they disrupt the flow and clarity of your arguments.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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