IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people’s #lives
It is said that the common goal of all different aspects of science is the development
in
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of
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human’s
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human
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lives
.
This
 essay completely agrees with that mentioned assertation/claim.
To begin
 with, if the main aim of scientific studies and experiments was not human
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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,
people
 might be in danger.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nuclear energy is one of the issues that have harmful effects on
human’s
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human
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lives
, either consciously or unconsciously. In
this
 case,
although
 authorities claimed that experiments on nuclear energy started only as a help for
people
’s difficulties, researches were diverted towards improving
countries
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countries'
country's
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 military forces.
As a result
, the concern about
far-reaching
Correct article usage
the far-reaching
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 consequences of that energy for both
people
 and
environment
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the environment
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 was raised all over the
word
Correct your spelling
world
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. In fact, it is not fair that researches on which
people
 spend money threaten their
lives
, but rather it is supposed to have considerable benefits for its owners.
In addition
, as scientific studies are all supported by the money which belongs to the public, the results should be for
Add an article
the wellbeing
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wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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 of those
people
 as well.
Otherwise
, governments will face social dissatisfaction which can cause public protest.
Also
,
this
 population cannot trust
in
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apply
show examples
their authorities and become pessimistic about them with the passage of time. They may even immigrate and brain drain can occur. In conclusion, improving
people
’s
lives
 should play the most significant role in scientific
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
. If not, not only do governments deal with their population’s dissatisfaction and even protest, but
also
 harmful consequences can happen.
Submitted by Raeisinarges1995 on

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Introduction and Conclusion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. It is vital to include these sections to frame your argument and to summarize your points at the end. Make sure your opening paragraph sets out your position on the topic and your conclusion effectively restates your viewpoint and why you hold that perspective.
Supporting Main Points
Your main points could benefit from better support through more developed examples, data, or quotations. Ensure each main point has a clear example or evidence to back it up, which will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
Complete Response
Ensure that the essay is fully addressing the task by providing a complete response. Elaborate on the viewpoints presented and more critically engage with the statement to provide a balanced argument rather than a one-sided view.
Logical Structure
The essay needs improvement in logical structuring. Your ideas would be clearer and more compelling if you presented them in a more logical sequence. Start by introducing the topic, then outline your main points, expand upon these with supporting arguments, and finally, conclude with a summary of your discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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