IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people feel that the legal age at which people can marry should be at least 21. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #age
It is argued by some individuals that the legal
age
 at which
people
 can marry should be at least 21. I strongly agree with
this
 opinion.
One
 of the reasons why I strongly agree that the legal
age
 at which
people
 can marry should be at least 21 is
traditions
Fix the agreement mistake
tradition
show examples
. It is common knowledge that in many countries there are traditions and because of that many
people
 unfortunately do not have an option to get a higher education and they are forced by their family members to get
marry
Change the form of the verb
married
show examples
 at 17 or even sooner.
For instance
, in my hometown,
one
 girl had to be engaged when she was only 15 she got married when she was 18, but she got married reluctantly. In my opinion, if the legal
age
 at which
people
 can marry should be at least 21 many parents will not force their children to marry someone and those children will have an opportunity to get higher education and they will decide what to do and when
marry
Add the particle
to marry
show examples
.
One
 of the other reasons why I strongly agree that the legal
age
 at which
people
 can marry should be at least 21 is immaturity. Some
people
 think that after turning 18 they will become mature, will not make mistakes and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can get married because they are mature enough to take
responsibilites
Correct your spelling
responsibility
responsibilities
.
Consequently
, many individuals get
marry
Wrong verb form
married
show examples
 when they are very young and break up in no time.
For example
,
one
 of my acquaintances got married when she was only 18 and broke up 3 years later because she was not able to handle problems because she was not mature enough. In conclusion, some individuals believe that the legal
age
 at which
people
 can marry should be at least 21 and I strongly agree with
this
 opinion.
Submitted by tmargaryan2006 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your essay demonstrates a sufficient engagement with the prompt. However, the essay would have benefited from a more explicit thesis statement laying out your main arguments in the introduction. A clearer positioning of your argument would guide the reader further into your discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
There is a discernible logical sequence of information and ideas, but certain sentences and paragraphs could be better connected with more varied and sophisticated cohesive devices beyond the basic conjunctions used. Transitions between ideas should be smooth and seamless without abrupt jumps.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legal age
  • Marriage
  • Maturity
  • Stability
  • Individual choice
  • Freedom
  • Cultural practices
  • Religious practices
  • Education
  • Career aspirations
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!