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Band 4.5

Q. Some people say that school children should learn how to grow food and cook with it in their lessons. What is your opinion about that?

#q #people #school #children #food #cook #lessons
Food
 is a crucial part of
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
. After following various
step
Fix the agreement mistake
steps
show examples
food
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 an eatable source.
Therefore
, some individuals opine that kids from their initial study days should know the steps of seeding and cooking to
emphasis
Replace the word
emphasise
show examples
 the importance of
this
 source. I totally concur with
this
 phenomenon. The first reason is to reduce
wastages
Fix the agreement mistake
wastage
show examples
. It is found from various studies that, youngsters distroy
food
 items more as compared to old people. They never finish their meals.
Thus
, if teachers introduced the growth of eatables in books they
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 learn the importance and
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 behind it.
As a result
, they will start saving the resources.
Additionally
, it will benefit
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the parents too,
less
Correct word choice
as less
show examples
 wastage means less cost on
food
 items.
Hence
, they can afford the vegetables, fruits, and drinks.
Moreover
, after passing their secondary education juveniles migrate to
another countries
Replace the adjective
another country
other countries
show examples
.
For example
, the percentage to
move
Wrong verb form
moving
show examples
during
Change preposition
at
show examples
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 age
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 escalated
for
Change preposition
over
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 past couple of years. Eventually, if kids know how to prepare their
food
 they can survive in every situation without the assistance of parents.
Additionally
, both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents are
work-holic
Correct your spelling
work-holics
. They are not able to spend time with their kids which
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
 in hiring
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cooks at home. But if babies learn the process of cooking the
anount
Correct your spelling
amount
 to
employee
Replace the word
employ
show examples
 a cook will be saved.
To sum up
, it is very crucial to teach the importance of
food
. Whether it is the first step of growth
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 the ending step
that is
 cooking owing to the benefits it
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 to our society.
Submitted by kb781920 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use a variety of cohesive devices appropriately to connect ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your main points should be developed and expanded upon with specific details or examples. Avoid general statements that lack depth.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task, presenting a clear opinion and discussing relevant issues. Make sure your ideas are relevant to the topic and provide a comprehensive response.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate your points, making them more convincing. Avoid vague references and unsupported claims.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Nutritional education
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Life skills
  • Curriculum
  • Extracurricular
  • Sustainability
  • Organic gardening
  • Culinary skills
  • Healthy eating habits
  • Agricultural knowledge
  • Food literacy
  • Home economics
  • Hands-on learning
  • Sustainable farming
  • Kitchen facilities
  • Environmental stewardship
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